JOB POSTING
by Leanne

Looking for self-motivated, committed individual to take over while I go on sabbatical
Applicants must be available 24 hours a day, every day, no holidays. Duties are
schedule office visits
schedule prescription delivery, supplies can never run out
renew prescriptions, prescriptions can never expire
calculate insulin doses
adjust insulin doses
count nutritional data with every morsel of food that enters body
adjust insulin doses
drink juice
adjust insulin doses
take insulin
drink juice
administer shots on stomach, arm, thigh, or butt
eat
exercise but only when glucose is stable and in normal range
take insulin
drink juice
pay co-pays
save money to pay co-pays
take shot
call doctor at 3am when glucose is high
drink water to flush out toxins
stick fingers
draw blood
test urine
take insulin
count nutritional data
drink juice
exercise
eat
never let pump out of sight, not even during sex
hide pump under clothes, in bra, in pockets, on thigh
insert needles into skin
connect tubing
ignore low blood sugar during exam even though hands shaking, sweat dripping down face, vision foggy
ignore high blood sugar while out with friends even though stomach reeling, muscles drained of energy
go to bathroom to hide
turn alarm on pump to vibrate during exam
wake up to alarm on pump during night
ignore complaining classmate about alarm during class
don’t forget to test
don’t forget to test
adjust insulin
drink juice
take shot
don’t die