Sorry C.J. :( I didn't mean "chat" and I am fairly new to the site also. :) When I was reading your post, you were telling my story....word for word! I am 27 years old now. I was diagnosed at 4. I had my parents who took care of me and my diabetes my entire life and then I went to college. I started on the pump when I was 20. Stayed on for 5 years and then my doc wouldn't write any more prescriptions for my supplies because I wasn't doing anything that I was supposed to. I was living off of my basal rates, never bolusing, checked my sugar once every blue moon, and made up bg readings when I went to the doctor. With all that being said, my best friend who is also diabetic was on dialysis, had diabetic retinopathy and neuropathy. It didn't matter. I was tired, frustrated and just didn't care. I was off the pump for a year after my first five on. I got married and talk began about having children. My husband encouraged me to try to go back on the pump and this time I was ready. I feel much better. The difference this time around was just that I was ready, whereas before I was not. I am hoping that my epiphany came early enough for me not to see the same difficulties that my best friend saw. I read before where someone told you to take baby steps....AMEN to that! You will get there. YOU have to be ready. Everyone else can be ready for us but until we are it makes no difference. If you ever want to talk I am here. Be encouraged! :)