Beaten Down, But Fighting to get back UP!!

Well, I have to come clean. For the last 9 months I have been under tremoundous stress at home, personal life and the good old "D" is giving me a run for my money.

I get down for a day or two and then kick myself in my own A$$, and have a good attitude and find hope and strength every day....most of the time.

But, I have to tell you all.....I feel beaten down, tired, overwhelmed and just plain worn out. I have hope for my furture and will fight tooth and nail to be happy and keep on living....life can be so very good. I want the good now....just a little bit?

So, I am airing my dirty laundry to all of you....the Life Coach and Grateful Woman is need of some help from the best people I know and will ever know......YOU.

Views: 300

Comment by Les on June 27, 2010 at 2:10pm
Robyn; you are so supportive, helpful, and upbeat to our diabetic community! As responses to your blog indicate, you have a HUGE fan club. Count me as one of them. I have been thinking of you and how helpful you are to others and pondering how to best let you know the that the support and value you bestow us appreciated and important to us. Now it is your turn. As noted by the response to your blog, the troops are rallying to return some of the encouragement that you have so freely and effectively given us. Never give up! One day at a time, maybe just an hour at a time. Get through it and better times will come. You are loved, respected, admired and remembered in our prayers.
Comment by Sophie J. on June 27, 2010 at 4:46pm
Robyn- I am at a loss for words. What can I possibly say to lift the spirits of the person who has done it for me and so many others more times than you can count. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and like many others I will send my most positive thoughts and vibes your way! P.S. It is definitely OKAY to vent!
Comment by Craig on June 27, 2010 at 6:19pm
Always here for you
miss you
Comment by PatientX on June 27, 2010 at 7:44pm
Robin, sorry you are feeling bad. When I first go here I was so lost I did not know what was up or down. You did something for me that no doctor and no family member could have ever done and that was to bring me back to life. So what have I to say to you, well that you dont have to be happy every day of your life, give your self a chance to be sad and dont get mad at yourself because you are sad, mad and getting your butt kicked. One thing I learned is that we are all human and every once in a while we need to curl up into a little ball and take our licks and that is ok. Just because you are our life coach does not make you less of a person for gettin down on yourself. This slump is part of the marathon, one battle within the war.

I recently went to Florida for vacation, I would have not done that last year. I suffer some mild panic attacks but o well part of the experience. One thing that sticks in my mind though is that when we were in the beach there was a sign that spoke of rip tides. I told my son to be careful cause the rip tide takes you and you have no control. he told me he was faster and stronger than the rip tide, youth is so funny nothing knocks them down.

I told him with age comes wisdom and what you do is you let the rip tide take you and you swim with it until it lets you go. So in life I guess we have to let the rip tide take us and ride it until it lets us go. We go with it and fight with it and then eventually it lets you go, a bit further than were you were but if you go with it you are still alive.

So ride the rip tide and let it take you but know that it will let you go and at the end you will be stronger.

take care of yourself. I learned that sometimes we may have to take some dark paths because you never know who you are helping during that time.
Comment by Michelle on June 27, 2010 at 7:46pm
miss u. Email me
Comment by Cheryl on June 27, 2010 at 8:22pm
Wow Robyn,

From your upbeat posts and your beautiful smile, none of us knew you were going through a tough time or a little too much stress.

I found that this site has been a Godsend. I never thought that I could let go of some of the pent up frustration that I had felt since David was diagnosed in 2003 and what it has entailed, dealing with a pre-teen to now a young adult with the never ending side kick that is diabetes. We are managing. I have vented a lot on this site and let go of a lot of frustration and I have appreciated so many people, you included, and want to say thanks for your kind words and the kind words of others that we have encountered on this site.

As a life coach, I know that you know, how to push forward. How to put that positive attitude into place. How to put that Robyn smile out there with enthusiasm not just a half; my job is to smile approach, but the full force of that positive attitude, this is what you get, Robyn smile. You have loads of people here thinking about you and wishing you well. I hope you can look far enough and deep enough to solve this, to be happy.

I started doing a few things this past year that I have not done since I was in my very early 20's. One is I started back, playing hockey. A sport I loved and gave up when work (re-kids) became too much of a primary demand. A sport that I watched my T1 child excel at year after year since his diagnosis at age 10. I finally decided to go back to playing hockey myself, at age 49, figuring that if I did not do so now, I won't ever. An amazing thing happened. On starting to play again I realized that for the past few years, since my Dad died that I had been not just a little but really quite depressed. Might have something to do with the fact that when I did play all those years ago, my Dad had been the coach, but enough of that. I don't really need to know more than I know right now, which is that the sport, particularly at this age, is really a load of fun. It is something that I do once to twice a week for me, something that I look forward to, something that I enjoy.

I know that with time, whatever is going on, you will figure it out and you have a huge crowd here waiting to hear from you. Waiting to hear about your triumphs. Waiting to hear how you knock down your dissapointments. Take care, Lots of love and hugs to you. If only hugs, could make all to boohoos, in the world, go away!

Thinking of you!

Cheryl
Comment by Holger Schmeken on June 28, 2010 at 6:36am
Hello Robyn, I am sorry that you have to "fight [...] to be happy and keep on living". This really sounds alarming and I hope you will find people to support you in your struggle. People who give you something back of the strength you have invested in them. You have given much to others and now you deserve to get something back. No miracles but the small steps and helping hands we all need from time to time. Be well, Holger
Comment by Robyn on June 28, 2010 at 9:02am
Thank you everyone for your kindness and love....I think you all have done more for me in the last 10 months than I could ever have done for anybody. You have repaired my soul, brought all I am out, given me reason to go on. I do love you and find such strength in all of your support. xo Okay...now back to kicking some A$$...in all the areas of my life...lol.
Comment by scott a wallace on June 28, 2010 at 12:58pm
Robyn I agree with Cheryl. I don't actively participate on this site as much as I should, but you have always been a shining beacon of positive thought and always such a nice bright shining face. It's been one year since my diagnosis of being T1 @ 45 years old. And you really do give optimism and hope for a others out there. Wishing you all the best.
Comment by bruce on June 28, 2010 at 4:43pm
Hang in. there is always a rainbow at the end of the lows. Saying it is the start. i send good thoughts your way. Bruce

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