Comment by Kathy on December 2, 2012 at 2:09pm

Oh Judith. I don't recall if I ever told you that my oldest brother died of AIDS in 1992, at age 44. He did not come out to us until 6 months before he died (although I knew several years prior).
It was such a confusing time for my family - small town people who really didn't understand being gay and the only information they got re HIV was on Oprah. All this, entwined by the enormous grief of watching someone slip away at an agonizing slow pace. I've walled away a lot of the details because they are too painful to recall, even within the foggy distance of 20 years.
Years ago my parents had bought a double plot at the local cemetery. Later on, they both chose cremation, so the urns were buried , leaving plenty of room for more cremains. So when Will died, we also put his urn with them, gaining solace that Mom and Dad could be near their charming and talented oldest son, who brought much joy to others and left too soon.

Comment by Judith on December 2, 2012 at 7:23pm

Oh Kathy, my sweetheart. I understand. These things filter thru generations in odd and very personal ways. In 1969, when I announced to my parents that I was going back east to "live with" my daughter's dad, MY dad's response was a "pause with a gulp" and "well, that's Modern."...Eventually it did't matter, of course...But in retrospect, what I cherish is the image of my suburban Mom, getting up at 2AM to go with me to pick up Mark on a street corner where he was drugged (by his "therapist") and abandoned. No questions asked. I don't think she had a clue about the details. She just new my partner was in need. Blows my mind now. But it was real. That was my Mom. And yet when my sister came out, it was traumatizing for her......???!

Comment by Judith on December 3, 2012 at 10:10pm

I don't like that as needs grow and the financial "pie" doesn't, we must compete for recognition on some neurotic level of Comparative Misery. I don't believe in competitive misery. If one is miserable, one needs an embrace in whatever form that may take.....

Comment by Judith on December 4, 2012 at 6:01pm

Holidays, too.....Mark and I did the grande pas de deux from Nutcracker several times in lecture-dems at holiday time. Joe and I performed together in several really fun showcases with holiday themes.......

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