How will I ever get back on track??????

A week ago I decided I was going to start testiing my sugars and getting back on track. Saturday I did really good and felt better already. Sunday was not so good. The whole day i did good. That night my dog died. I know people think Im crazy when I say this, but that dog was everything. Oh if everyone knew Murphy you would have fell in love with him. He was so nice to everyone. He was my world. He was a Bichon Frise. Since Christmas he was acting really weird. He would sit still and not come to anyone-and trust me that was not him! Then he would go back to being normal. He did the same thing on New Years day. But then he was ok. Weeks would go on and he would sometimes be okay and sometimes he would be really lathargic. On Monday (the week before this past Monday 11th my mom took him to the vet. They said he was dehydrated. I forgot to mention that he was not eating or drinking. Anyway they said that his kidney was elevated a little because he was dehydrated. They also said that he was anemic. They said there was nothing wrong with his stomach because he didnt tense when they did this certain test. They made it clear that there was no need for an x-ray. We took him home. This past Sunday he started acting up. By the evening he was so lathargic that he couldnt stand. I was crying and so was my mom. My dad swore that he was going to be ok the next day because that was what he kept doing all month. We finally decided to take him to the hospital in Columbus. When me and my mom were getting ready my dad hollered down and said that he was dying. I cant tell you this feeling. My whole world was dying in front of my eyes. I could not watch. He was a mommy's boy so when I sat there and watched my mom cry out to help him, I just sat there and cried. He was only eight years old and Bichons have a life expectancy of 15-18 years.
Ever since then I stayed off track. I have wanted to eat everythig in site. I just feel so alone. I feel so weak and empty. Whenever I ant to smile I think of him and cry. How will I ever get over this. How will I ever have the strength to get back on track.

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Comment by K.Coops on January 23, 2010 at 3:50pm
Oh Heidi, I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I remember awhile back when Abby, the family pet - a Springer Spaniel, passed away, it was absolutely devastating. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, I guess non-pet lovers have trouble believing this but it's true for many. As far as your blood sugar, I can imagine the first thing you want to do is lash out on your diabetes and give up hope on yourself. But don't give up hope on yourself Heidi. Diabetes is such hard work, every single day. It never lets up, there's never a break and sometimes we just want a break. Unfortunately, for now, it can't happen. I know you feel alone, but you're not. Sometimes I'm not sure where I got the strength to get myself back on track many times in my life. Somehow I did it but only with others' help and support. I'm sure your first reaction is to take your hurt, anger, sadness and frustration out on your body and diabetes, but remember that it won't get you any far ahead, and this incredibly difficult time will somehow make you stronger. You're so lucky to have had such a lovely Bichon Frise in your life, and he was darn lucky to have you. Thinking of you and take good care of yourself.
-Kim
www.twitter.com/kimucooper
Comment by Keith221 on January 23, 2010 at 6:13pm
Sorry to hear of your loss. I think of my pets as fur people.LOL
Comment by Robyn on January 23, 2010 at 7:52pm
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. Let yourself mourn, you have to. Healing just comes with time xoxo
Comment by twiddlemthumbs on January 24, 2010 at 12:02am
so sorry to hear about your doggy passing on, mine passed on 14 months ago and and I miss him every day at times he was a pain in the neck but he was always there for me we have a cat now and I love smudge but it is not the same no tail wagging no barking when we come home from work or shopping but life has to go on when I feel down I awlays think of ben long gone but always remembered with love and affection
Comment by Lois on January 24, 2010 at 5:07am
Heidi:

I've BTDT. Lost three animals and numerous fishies that I cared deeply about; but, none more than a doggie. It's NOT weird that you feel this loss. You're a loving spirit and I sense you need to love someone/thing in a nurturing way. Give yourself just a little time to grieve. You need to protect yourself from yourself.

You really need to move on soon. Not to say that you forget but that you can overcome. Please go to my profile and read my story and maybe some of the blogs. I guarantee that you will either be scared enough to get back on track or say "ya sure, like that really happened!"

Stay in contact with people and feel free to let it all out.

Lois
Comment by Cathy Jacobson on January 25, 2010 at 5:28pm
I am so sorry Heidi. Two years ago, we had to put our first beagle boy down. It was (is) the hardest thing my husband and I ever had to do. He had been getting sick, too, and we waited to take him in for a week, and for the next 6 weeks we watched him deteriorate. One morning he crawled into the tub, a place he never would have gone without a purpose, the vet told us that when he chose his moment, we would know. We took him to the vet that afternoon, and had him put down, all the while holding him, and crying all the way. My husband and I have two boys, 25 and 20 at that time, they were heartbroken, and to this day, Chipper who was the guy's dog, they can still shed a tear. My point is, that pups (dogs) weave their way into our hearts and there they stay, even when they are gone. That's why they call it love. I promise you, if you give yourself time to remember the good and the bad times with Murphy, you will heal, you will never forget him (would you want to?) He will always hold a place in your heart.

But as much as you loved Murphy, if he could speak to you, he would tell you that he wants to go for walks with you, he wants you to take care of you, am I right or wrong? I know that Chipper would want me to take care of me, because he puppy loved me.

You can get back on track, you can eat better, you can take your meds, you can start exercising again. You can, and you must. It is very important that you start now. So tomorrow AM you get up, take your Blood sugars and then have breakfast, take your meds (if that is what you do) and then make an honest effort to do one thing at a time, if that is all you can do tomorrow, do something more the next day. But stop mistreating yourself. You can get back on track, but you have to start....and now is the time.

Again, I am sorry about Murphy, I feel your pain, I know your pain. You can do it.

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