My baby doesn't really have type 1 diabetes. I know this because she's always been healthy. No previous hospitalizations, no serious illnesses, no broken bones, nothing. So this has to be a mistake, right? Right. Of course. Except...dreams don't usually last 5 weeks do they?
Well, said "baby" (9 years old) was diagnosed on April 10, 2008. The worst day of my f-ing life (can we curse on here? I'm like a drunken sailor most of the time). I still wake up sometimes thinking her blood sugar will be lower than it should be (but dear god not low low) because she doesn't need all that insulin after all. But no, 150 this morning. Probably above 250 later because she has gym class today. Then hopefully back down around 100. Ha! I seem so hopeful don't I? Or more like naive. I don't know.
I don't know much of anything these days. I don't think humans were meant to process grief, sorrow, anger, denial, hope, bitterness, and guilt all at the same time. And having to process it alone has to be karma for some heinous crime I committed 1000 years ago in a previous life.
I would gladly trade places with my little girl right this second.