i've thought long and hard about writing this. i finally decided that it was a good question to ask. a couple of years ago, when my husband left me, i decided that i needed counseling. since i was a total basket case it was the right thing to do. one of the questions that the counselor asked me was, did i want to die? right off the bat i said yes, but only if the good lord decided to take me. the next question was, what are my reasons for wanting to live. i thought about it and asked, how many do you want? she asked me how many reasons did i have? i told her too many to list. she then asked me what are my reasons for wanting to die. i thought about it and said only one thing. shame. how could i face my friends and family knowing i couldn't even keep my marriage together. once i got it through my thick skull that there was no way in h--l i could have kept a one sided marriage together, i had no other reasons for wanting to die. she again asked, what are your whys for living? the first thing on my list are my kids and grandkids. very good reasons in my book. then i thought of all the other reasons. watching the sun come up in the morning, the birds in the feeders, spring popping out all over. my grandson's playing in the pool. i laid down with my other grandson and watched the light filter through the tree branches. i can't tell you the memories that brought back. when she asked me why i wanted to die. i never once thought about my diabetes, or any other medical problem. all i thought about was my vanity and what other people thought about me. that was when i realized that i was looking at things the wrong way. my answer now to her question, do i want to die? is NO.
what are your reasons? your whys?
"though you can't go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"