i've thought long and hard about writing this. i finally decided that it was a good question to ask. a couple of years ago, when my husband left me, i decided that i needed counseling. since i was a total basket case it was the right thing to do. one of the questions that the counselor asked me was, did i want to die? right off the bat i said yes, but only if the good lord decided to take me. the next question was, what are my reasons for wanting to live. i thought about it and asked, how many do you want? she asked me how many reasons did i have? i told her too many to list. she then asked me what are my reasons for wanting to die. i thought about it and said only one thing. shame. how could i face my friends and family knowing i couldn't even keep my marriage together. once i got it through my thick skull that there was no way in h--l i could have kept a one sided marriage together, i had no other reasons for wanting to die. she again asked, what are your whys for living? the first thing on my list are my kids and grandkids. very good reasons in my book. then i thought of all the other reasons. watching the sun come up in the morning, the birds in the feeders, spring popping out all over. my grandson's playing in the pool. i laid down with my other grandson and watched the light filter through the tree branches. i can't tell you the memories that brought back. when she asked me why i wanted to die. i never once thought about my diabetes, or any other medical problem. all i thought about was my vanity and what other people thought about me. that was when i realized that i was looking at things the wrong way. my answer now to her question, do i want to die? is NO.
what are your reasons? your whys?

"though you can't go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"

Views: 3

Comment by Sweeter Cherise on May 27, 2008 at 8:36pm
Lovely Blog! I think sometimes in life we feel like we can't go on due to relationships, problems etc., but knowing how to rebound and find the true reason why we want to live is the best joy anyone could have...To me living is loving yourself, God and happiness will fall into place after that.
Comment by elaine peterson on May 27, 2008 at 8:36pm
I loved your story...very powerful. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Comment by debb on May 28, 2008 at 3:16am
thanks for the lovely comments. i think my reason for sharing is because i have heard so much in the negative lately that i want people to stop and think about their whys. no matter how bad life is, you can always find something good if you dig a little deeper. even if it's only watching the neighbor's cat stalk a bird. as long as it's not your bird, of course. lol!!!
Comment by elaine peterson on May 28, 2008 at 6:22am
Your humor is a good tool as well!
Comment by Kristy on May 29, 2008 at 6:13am
Thanks for sharing Debb~ this was very inspirational
Comment by debb on June 1, 2008 at 3:49am
hi karla,
i'm doing great. life has a habit of doing what it's going to do and i keep sticking my tongue out at it. every time i get over one obstacle, a new presents itself. when all the obstacles are over with, i am going to be one strong lady. today we are having a birthday party at McDonald's for my grandson. he turns 7 on the 8th. i can't believe how fast they are growing. he called me last night to inform me that he left his backpack here and that i had to bring it to him this morning. what a hoot.
how are things going for you? are you enjoying what spring has to offer?
thanks for checking in with me. i can't help but love this roller coaster ride of life. you never know what's going to happen next.
Comment by elaine peterson on June 2, 2008 at 6:47am
What a great attitude, Debb. I'm sure it serves you well in life.
Comment by debb on June 5, 2008 at 7:30pm
hey karla,
tell your mom congrats. as i can testify, it's no fun being alone. i think it's great she found someone special. what do you mean no hitches. without hiches you have no really cool stories to tell. those hitches become special moments later on, when you can laugh about them.
ryan's birthday party was great. unfortunately his other gramma took a turn for the worse the next day and died last night. she was in her 70's, diabetic, on dialysis with kidney failure, and had a heart bypass last year. the doctor said she just gave up and joined her husband, who died a year and a half ago, in heaven. it's hard on my son-in-law, losing both parents so close together, but he knows they are in a better place. the funeral is saturday. it won't really hit the boys until then. ryan is 7 and zack is 5.
i think we skipped spring and have gone right to summer. it sure is beautiful out there.
it must have been about 75 today and going up into the 80's this week-end. whoo-hoo, my kind of weather. keep your fingers crossed for saturday, we are planning on having the wake outside. no one wants to be cooped up inside after the winter we have had.
enjoy the wedding. hope you have great weather too. it's not everyday a daughter gets to watch her mom go down the isle. don't forget to have the daughter/mother talk. you know, it's opposite the mother/daughter talk. do you have a brother to "talk" to the groom? send pictures..
debb............................

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