I am just so sick of this stupid disease right now.
How can I work on better control when my best days, when ALL factors are under my control, still get ranges like 3.3 - 14.6.
That was today, but most other days aren't too far off.
What am I supposed to do when there are NO PATTERNS and when everything seems totally random.
Honestly, I don't feel like I control my blood sugar so much as just push it off in one direction or another and hope it stops somewhere in range, assuming it didn't go off in a completely different direction. I hate the term diabetes control. I don't control anything. I just try to predict and react and hope things work out. People do that with the stock market and no one calls that control.
When I was younger my mom once described trying to control my blood sugars as "trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle when the pieces keep changing." That's pretty much what things are still like today.
If things would just stay the same, stay somewhat consistent, it would be so much less frustrating. It's kind of depressing when even my endocrinologist and CDE tell me they can't find any patterns.
I don't think my goals are unreasonable. I only want an A1c of 6.5 and a range of 4 - 10 each day. There are lots of people out there that would think that's not that great, but it would make me so happy if I could just somehow get there, and stay there. I don't even want it now, I'm willing to work and wait, but before last year I worked on that goal for five straight years, non-stop, and never made it. What's so different now?
I don't want perfect control, but I DO want healthy control.
I don't know how often I can try and try and try and fail over and over again without just giving up completely. (I'm not there. But it's just how I feel.)
At least if there was ONE thing that made me high or low consistently, I could work on it. But there isn't, because it seems to change every day and every week.
In the next few days I'm going to call my hospital diabetes clinic and see if I can't borrow a CGMS for a week or so to see if that will help. But I did that in 2009
and honestly, it just recorded the same chaos I'm recording on my meter and didn't result in any therapy changes. That was when my A1c was 6.8% or 6.9%, too; significantly better than it is now.
Oh well. I just had to rant. I'll go to bed now and wake up at 3:00 AM to test and hope the correction I just did has brought me down, and not sent me low, and not just done nothing and left my blood sugar high. That's the one thing I did learn from the CGM in 2009. I really can give a correction bolus three nights in close succession, with no other food or insulin on board, and end up low one night, high the next, and perfectly in range the next.
If someone knows how to make any sense of that, please let me know.
For now, I'm just totally burned out.