Coming Back From Denial
OK, So I posted for the first time on Friday. I received some very nice welcomes, but I had this very unsettling feeling wash over me. I wanted to respond, but couldn't exactly bring mydelf to do so. I couldn't figure out why. I was thinking about it that night and it was all I could concentrate on during my Saturday morning run. Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks! That was the first true open acknowledgement that I have diabetes. I even recently had a conversation with my endo (when he increased my insulin) that went something like this... Me: "...since I'm not really diabetic, just a little sweet." Endo: " No, No. You are DEFINATELY diabetic! Maybe you need to talk to someone." Of course the comment blew right by me, without a second consideration. I mean even among friends, when they ask about it, I reply "well they're still testing" Them: "Aren't you on insulin?" Me: "Well, that"s only a precautionary measure." I mean, who believes me except me. Who would put someone on insulin for "precautionary measures" I've done all my reasearch, all my shots, and try to take good care of myself, but I feel as if much of it is in the third person. Like researching is out of interest not personal gain. It even took a terrible first low during an unprepared run to buy a medic alert bracelet. Talk about learning the hard way! So posting on Friday was a major step to reality, that totally snuck up on me. I'm not sure I was mentally prepared to admit what that means. I will say that having this weekend and some time to really think about it, it was a good first step. Because I know absolutely no one with diabetes, I'm glad my first contact (Yes I do feel a bit like an alien these days) was with those who understandstand, so thanx! Especially to Manny, because without this website, I would still be alone and stuck in some serious denial. I do know there are good things ahead, thanks to all of you!
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Comment by kimberly on June 17, 2007 at 10:57am
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You are SO not alone. You're actually ahead of the curve! I've had diabetes 31 years and, while we've co-existed, we have not had a symbiotic relationship until recently. For me, this online community has been the key -- knowing and sharing and commiserating. I liken it to coming out of the "closet." The realization that I am gay was no big deal. Having grown up in the arts, my parents had lots of gay friend in committed relationships; i had many role models. Diabetic role models? None.
--I'm Kimberly
--Who's that with you?
--Oh, that. Diabetes. How about the weather?
The diabetes just got hidden away.....I think there were fear and shame factors. Kerri's blog was a godsend to me as the first one I discovered. Keep reading and writing and asking!
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Comment by Travis Grubbs on June 17, 2007 at 11:28am -
Hi Chloe: Welcome to the club. Manny will be in touch later regarding our secret hand shake, etc. I was never in denial. If I had been, it would have interfrred with my state of shock and depression, which became very close companions. It took me a little while to shake them.
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Comment by Bernard on June 17, 2007 at 6:05pm -
Chloe
Wow, that's quite the realization. It's good that you were able to figure it out. And I hope it's a positive step for you.
Have you any opportunity to get together with folks who have diabetes? If so, jump at the chance. Every time I've done this (maybe six times in my life) it's been a blast. With lots of learning and sharing. Definitely worth it.
If you can't do this right now, I hope TuDiabetes is a good alternative for you.
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Comment by Manny Hernandez on July 1, 2007 at 2:13pm -
I am so glad you are here, and that you are finding an outlet in TuDiabetes to share with others who are affected by diabetes.
And, for what it's worth, with our without diabetes, you can still be sweet! Once more, welcome!! :D
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Comment by Manny Hernandez on October 4, 2007 at 4:10am
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Based on this post, I thought you may want to consider this:
https://www.oprah.com/plugger/templates/BeOnTheShow.jhtml?action=re...
Perhaps you can share your past experience with them. Just a thought...
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