OK, So I posted for the first time on Friday. I received some very nice welcomes, but I had this very unsettling feeling wash over me. I wanted to respond, but couldn't exactly bring mydelf to do so. I couldn't figure out why. I was thinking about it that night and it was all I could concentrate on during my Saturday morning run. Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks! That was the first true open acknowledgement that I have diabetes. I even recently had a conversation with my endo (when he increased my insulin) that went something like this... Me: "...since I'm not really diabetic, just a little sweet." Endo: " No, No. You are DEFINATELY diabetic! Maybe you need to talk to someone." Of course the comment blew right by me, without a second consideration. I mean even among friends, when they ask about it, I reply "well they're still testing" Them: "Aren't you on insulin?" Me: "Well, that"s only a precautionary measure." I mean, who believes me except me. Who would put someone on insulin for "precautionary measures" I've done all my reasearch, all my shots, and try to take good care of myself, but I feel as if much of it is in the third person. Like researching is out of interest not personal gain. It even took a terrible first low during an unprepared run to buy a medic alert bracelet. Talk about learning the hard way! So posting on Friday was a major step to reality, that totally snuck up on me. I'm not sure I was mentally prepared to admit what that means. I will say that having this weekend and some time to really think about it, it was a good first step. Because I know absolutely no one with diabetes, I'm glad my first contact (Yes I do feel a bit like an alien these days) was with those who understandstand, so thanx! Especially to Manny, because without this website, I would still be alone and stuck in some serious denial. I do know there are good things ahead, thanks to all of you!