Comment by Judith on November 28, 2012 at 8:05pm

When our lives Fall Apart, fault is only occasionally the main thing to consider. One's own participation in these things is of course worth analyzing. But not worth wallowing in, my friend. Your loneliness is palpable and I ache for you. I hope you will keep all of us here informed so we can support you. But I have a big, all-inclusive heart and I want to embrace your wife and your children, too. None of this is easy. And I will not resort to cliches. But I will say that you have a solid center in your core that can slowly cope, rebuild strength and begin to rebuild. This is what we all, with The D, do almost daily at times......

Comment by Linda G on November 28, 2012 at 9:44pm

SuFu....my goodness, your heart is splitting at the seams with regret, and that my friend, is tearing you apart. The pain of things past....things that, if we allow them, will ravage our lives. We have all done things we are sorry for having done...things we have said that we cannot reclaim. It is life...we are human. My experiences may not be the same as yours, I am not claiming to know exactly WHAT you are going through...but I kind of understand. As well, I understand that you are burying yourself in regrets...in "what ifs". I think that you feel unworthy. Don't. You have suffered enough...and following this path will only serve to pull deeper down the spiral. Move on now...ahead...what are mistakes for, if not to pave a better path. Close the door to what has become water under the bridge, and climb up. Step by step, all the while touching base here with us. Little steps...but nevertheless progressing. We all thrive for support, friends, direction. You have made the first step in reaching out to your friends here at TuDiabetes. Allow us to walk with you. No one has to walk alone.
I am keeping you and your family in prayer.
Know that we care. Please continue to let us know how you are.
hugs

Comment by catlover on November 29, 2012 at 7:15am

SuFu-- I remember your blogs when they were light and happy. You had so much to look forward to, school, wife, kids. This can't have changed so much in so short a time. Looking for fault and blame keeps us stuck in old tracks. You need to go forward and cut the spiral of self-loathing. We at TuD are here to support you and give you strength in your search for what you feel you have lost. You are a good person.

Comment by brokenpole on November 29, 2012 at 2:28pm

SuFu, it has ben a hell of a 2012 hasn't it. But we all have a decision to make. How we respond to these times makes us what we are. You are a bright and happy person and give yourself time and you will find that old spark.

Look to the future and not the past. You can do it. All of us here on Tu know you can and are praying for you.

Comment by Elizabeth on November 30, 2012 at 7:09am

SuFu, it hurts to see your pain spelled out so clearly. You know we're here to support you. But... if this is how you feel, don't tell us, tell HER. In person. Verbally. If you have to print it out and read it to her because the words get lost when you're in her presence, do that, but for gosh sakes, she needs to hear this. And, more the point, YOU need to tell it to her. It may not bring you closer, and it may not change anything about your relationship with her, but the sooner you get it out, the sooner you can move on to whatever your future holds. And what it WILL do is set the stage for you to have a better relationship with your children. They are the best part of your relationship with your wife, and always will be. If you can't have with her what you had before, well, now is the time to focus on establishing a better connection with them.

*hugs*

Comment