Right now I feel like a failure. I feel like I have taken so many steps back. In April it will be 3 years since I have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, but yet emotionally I feel like it's just beginning. I don't know if it's because of the stress from my job (if you don't know check out previous blog) or what. I find myself questioning why me? Am I being punished? Am I a bad person? It's like I'm searching for answers that's not there. I'm just just crying like I have cried a million times over the past years. I didn't ask for this and who would? I know I know everyone says things happen for a reason. But what's the reason? I get tired of "normal" people staring at me or judging me. I get tired of them thinking it's no big deal with it's a HUGE deal. They don't understand that us diabetics make it look easy or like it's no big deal. We do that because we try to be as "normal" as possible. Stop asking me if I should eat that. Stop asking me am I "high" and then laugh. That's a joke that I only share with my fellow diabetics...lol. I just feel like I'm having a mental break that. Like I can't tell up from down or left from right. Like I just want to lay in my bed and hide from life all day and night. I'm getting tired of medical bills andd medical supplies and the cost and the prices and just EVERYTHING! But I can't complain because if I complain "normal" people think I have no right to complain. Even though i have insurance and have supplies yes I am aware that there are people out there worse off than me. Does that not give me the right to vent my frustrations and sometimes feel down? I know I'm lucky to be alive on many situations. Right now at this moment I just feel alone like I need to be saved. I just feel like life and everything around it sucks. It sucks because I was having pretty bad anxiety attacks and now I think I'm falling into a depression. It's like quick sand. When I think I'm happy and climbing out of my hole it's like someone grabs my hand as if they're going to help me and throw me right back down just for me to climb again. When will I stop climbing? AND just live life and be happy. Is there ever an end to the questions and the doubting and the depression? EVER?