You know those moments in life that freeze, and it seems like everyone in the room is frozen but you. Time just shuts down, and you are stuck in slow motion. I have had that experience a couple of times. Most of them involve a traumatic injury. But this did not, and frankly shocked me.

My husband really does not say much about me being diabetic. In fact, I thought he really didn't even seem to understand much about it all. Which was fine by me.  But this has all started to change when I finally starting pumping last year after 19 years of MDI.  He has started to ask more questions, and I was really surprise by the knowledge he does have.

As some of you know, I recently found my voice as a advocate last year. With my health insurance woes, I have been busy fighting for coverage for all diabetics who have the State Health Benefit Plan (SHBP) for the State of Georgia.  I have even meet with the Director of Community Health about the lack transparency of diabetic coverage.  The biggest score on this whole mess was a meeting with BCBS of Ga Vice President, head of their Nursing Program, and the head of their Health Coach Program. (Which is another blog for a another day.)

It was in this meeting that time stood still.  I normally do not involve my husband in such things.  But for some reason, I ask him to tag along.  Which ended up being a good thing, because the VP and my husband knew each other, but had not seen each other in seven years.  Once they recognize each other, it put the whole room at ease.  

We were talking about how blood glucose (bg) numbers should not be a judgment.  That it is just a number that tells you what your treatment options are.  And I started to talk about the lows….now my husband, who had not said a word since the small talk…and we were an hour into this meeting…. spoke up.

And time stop.  I have never heard him utter one word about his feelings about me being diabetic and the impact on him.  And while I had always wondered about his thoughts, I had never taken the opportunity to really discussed it with him.  Mostly because I was so bent on hiding it.  And there, in this meeting, is where he decided to share his emotional distress over me-  the worries of me not waking up in the morning, the worries of me driving, the worries he had when the kids were little, the worries from hospitalizations of DKA from the result of food poisoning, not once but twice.  The impact of the years that I had struggled with low bgs and high bgs had taken its toll on him.  And I sat there in awe…not realizing how much it had impacted him.  

I am sure there was an awkward pause when he finish.  I was so taken aback, that I forgot where we were.  As I wiped the tears away, I looked at the VP sitting there, and wonder if he would get how frustrating it was not to get the supplies you need. I wonder what his thoughts would be if his love ones were denied test strips and insulin.  I wonder how he would feel about talking to a health coach once a month, who has never seen an insulin pump or didn't even know what a CGM was.   I wonder if he got the big picture.  I wonder how he would feel if it was his wife in my shoes..or his children.  

I then looked back at my husband, who smiled lovingly at me.  I reached under the table and grab his hand. The meeting that was suppose to be about the fight for affordable healthcare choices for the 650,000 state employees had morphed into one of the most emotional endearing moment of my life. And it will be forever be a moment frozen in time.

 

Views: 314

Comment by rick the "Blogabetic" on August 21, 2014 at 6:04pm

Stoner, certainly one of the most beautiful blogs I have read in some time. Thank you for sharing.....................rick

Comment by Mari on August 21, 2014 at 11:16pm

That's wonderful!

Comment by Jacob's mom on August 22, 2014 at 4:04am

looks like he was with you all along, and even stronger now that you have heard his voice, lucky you to be so loved. so great for him to share in this venue as I am sure everyone in that room was deeply affected. when we actually hear and acknowledge others stories change can happen for all involved. blessings, amy

Comment by curlysarah on August 22, 2014 at 6:09am

STONER!!!!!!! what a beautiful story....brought tears to my eyes. Keep up the great work sistah!

Hugs

Comment by Linda G on August 22, 2014 at 7:39am

Stoner.....thank you SO much for sharing this most endearing and personal point of crystallization. It touches deeply.

Comment by Emily Coles on August 22, 2014 at 9:44am

Breathless, Stoner.  Absolutely breathless.

Comment by swisschocolate on August 22, 2014 at 11:22am

Beautiful story. We often forget how hard it is for T3s to deal with our diabetes… Hugs, and keep up your good work!!!

Comment by MarinaTheBetes on August 22, 2014 at 1:29pm

beautiful.

Comment by Lloyd on August 22, 2014 at 4:46pm

Very moving

-Lloyd

Comment by Stemwinder (Gary) on August 22, 2014 at 6:43pm

The term T3 really doesn't do justice here. Loved ones that suffer along with us might be a better description. I have no doubt that there are many more like your husband.

It is beautiful that he chose such a moment to let you know that he has been with you all along.

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