My son is coming up on his one year point. He was diagnosed on November the 14th 2009. Yes.. I know why that date is ironic... it is World Diabetes Day...guess he celebrated it in a big way last year.
Over all.. everyone would be saying we are doing well.... His A1C is at 7.0... not bad..could be better and his weight since going on the Omnipod pump hasn't gone up much at all. Most days he feels good....with days of highs and lows which are to be expected. But.... are we really doing well? I am mostly the one makeing decisions about numbers to be changed in his pump... it is like an educated guessing game....that I play w/ my son's life? Can you imagine that? The responsibility of that? The guilt when things go wrong? God forbid...things go really badly? Now I read..and read and learn and learn and listen to the Doctors....but still... it is me and my son who do the daily control of everything.
Each night... I make sure things are good before he goes to bed...I have to decide...is his numbers on an up trend...down trend or will he be stable....is he having pump change highs...or lows... Do I check him just once or every 2 hrs... if I don't...and something goes wrong....could I ever live with myself?
Yes.. he is 16 and can do all of this 100% now on his own if he had to... but why would I leave all this on him....when I can be here to take some of this burden off of him. Let him live as normal of a life as I can give him. Others...family and friends...say he should be doing this all on his own... How can I do that? I am his mother. How can I leave him to struggle w/this alone. I won't and they can judge me all they want. I would take this whole condition from him and put it in me if I could.... Gladly! He maybe 16 but his is my son and will always be my baby.
How is it...that I am soooo knoledgeable about everything but feel I know nothing? How is it that I do everything right and all hell can still break loose? How is it...that no matter what I do... I can't make things go perfect. Am I a perfectionist....hell yes.. this is my son's life we are talking about...
What if I do back of and someting happens? Will there ever be a day that I don't have to worry? I worry becase I love him... so very much and am sooo proud of him daily w/what he goes though in such a mature way. He should just be living the life of a teen... w/out all this added to it.
Ok... I vented. Do I feel better.... nope not really...but it helps.