am i losing my eyesight?

it's been some time since i've written a blog. i've been in a kind of limbo since my last visit to my eye doctor.
to recap a bit,
i had a test done to check my perepherial vision, which i failed totally. the eye doctor then had me come back on another day to have a bigger test done. i failed that one as well. he told me what he thought was wrong and told me i would be legally blind by the time i turn 70. (that's less then 20 years from now). what does that mean? will i be totally blind or a little bit or somewhere in between? how will i be able to function? will i have to live with my kids? is it from having diabetes? oh, all the questions and fears. i kind of turned inside of myself for awhile as i let it perk through my mind. then just before christmas i decided that this would not be my downfall. i would take it as it comes and continue to do the things that i love to do until i no longer can. so i marked an x on my butt and told it to kiss this.
today i had an appointment with a specialist and he did an in depth testing of my eyes. he says that i have most of the symptoms of a condition called retinitis pigmentosa, but not all of them. he's fairly certain that yes i do have it but it in such an early stage that not all of the symptoms are present yet. he told me that any damage that would have come from my diabetes is not present and my near normal blood sugars since my gastric bypass (70 pounds lost so far) are fantastic. (little pat on my back for that one). it just seems i get one thing taken care of and something else comes tripping down the path to get me. i will have to go back to see him every 6 months so he can track this condition to see how fast if at all it progresses.
my first question to him was if i was going to be completely blind. that was what scared me the most. i am realizing that my independence is very important to me and that i don't want to lose it so soon after getting control of it. (another story there and some of you know what i'm talking about) i know that eventually i will have to give some of it up, like losing my license and having to move in with one of my kids, but for now i'm happy to enjoy my life and let things happen as the good lord decides. everyday is precious to me and i'm going to enjoy it to the fullest. no, i'm not going bungie jumping or sky diving, but i will do the things that make me happy.

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Comment by Kathyann on January 13, 2010 at 7:11pm: One of the things that really frightens me is losing my sight, so I am so so sorry you are going through this and hope you will continue to have most or all of your vision intact. You are very brave and I like the way you say you will enjoy life to the fullest. All we have is today and today is pretty good.

Comment by debb on January 13, 2010 at 7:18pm: that's the way i feel too kathyann. no point in feeling sorry for myself, that takes too much negative energy when i can be putting positive energy into good use. but brave doesn't have anything to do with it really. it's just good sense. thanks for the come back.

Comment by Gerri on January 13, 2010 at 8:40pm: Debb,

Think you deserve a lot more than a pat on the back for losing 70 lbs! Sending you a big TuD hug.

First thing I asked my doc upon being diagnosed was how soon I'd be blind. Big fear for us & I fret about it.

I'm really sorry you got this news & thank heavens it's in the early stages. Maybe there will be a cure. Yea, I'm an eternal optimist.

Admire your awesome attitude. Sure you don't want to go skydiving:)

Comment by debb on January 14, 2010 at 3:50am: since i'm afraid of heights i am positive there will be no sky diving. the thought itself makes me want to dittle in my pants. i know it sounds silly but i was very relieved that this isn't from having diabetes. i know, blind is blind no matter how it's gotten but..........at least this isn't something that happened due to my screw up. (bad diabetes mangagment). thanks for the hug. it feels great. i am an indurable optimist too and ya never know what's right behind the door.

Comment by Marie B on January 14, 2010 at 6:39am: I love you debb!

Comment by Teena on January 14, 2010 at 7:19am: Big hugs Debb!

Comment by Doris D on January 14, 2010 at 7:54am: You know I'm always here Debb!! You're going to do what makes you happy good!

Comment by Robyn on January 14, 2010 at 8:31am: Oh Debb....just love ya and wish you the best. Always. XO

Comment by Holger Schmeken on January 14, 2010 at 1:59pm: I have heard that there is little that can be done. So dear retina please stop that. I hope for the best...

Comment by Gerri on January 14, 2010 at 2:25pm: Deb,

Ok, no sky diving or bungee jumping! I've always wanted to sky dive. No fear of heights, just lack of nerve. Maybe one day.

Don't think it sounds silly at all about being relieved it's not related to diabetes. Like we need one more thing to add to the burden of believing something else is our fault.

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