I think I might have jumped the gun on those goals I wrote yesterday. I am not so sure I can achieve them, all of them, even more than the first one. I know I "failed," YES, I "failed" today, yesterday, whatever day it is now. Can I really do this?

I am an excuse maker. Work is beyond stressful, I am bullied; clients want results I cannot produce; I have no support from management; I am doing 3 jobs at once (mine, parts of another guys job who left over a yer ago, and some of my boss' job too). I have high expectations for myself; I don't want to fail; disappoint anyone I work for; and I am constantly seeking approval from others, that even if I get it, I am too stupid to acknowledge it and accept it. I forget to check/test; I forget or simply don't know how much to bolus for what I eat since I tend to graze;I snack on candy at work,just because it is there. I stress and have major anxiety; I am not sure any of the medications I have ever taken even work. I have celiac, so I worry about the food I eat. I have iron-deficient anemia, so I am always tired, not to mention what my BG's do to help that out...I might as well try sleeping as a career. And, with how depressed I feel most of the time, my anxiety, my stress.... I am simply a mess.

There are few in my life that think I can actually do this. My fiancee actually said to me tonight...don't use the stress of work as an excuse for why you are not testing, you know you would not do it anyways. Is he right?

I kinda think so.

I am great at excuses...

Can you help me, please?

Views: 80

Comment by acidrock23 on May 10, 2012 at 4:23am

If you test enough, even a "bad" result, outside of your "goal area" can provide "good" data and be a huge success that can help you to take it to the next level? Perhaps it's a "head game" a little bit but I don't look at tests as good or bad as much as information "what do I do w/ this?". If everything's hunky dory, I don't do much but I always have some sort of plan. Although I've been in the doldrums lately do as the AM seems to be baffling me. We'll find out soon?

Comment by renka on May 10, 2012 at 7:09am
You sound like me minus the celiac. I can relate to you. Acid rock is right, the tests provide information so if the tests are bad don't feel like you failed just use the info to correct the sugar. But, if you don't know how much to bogus you really need to get a good nurse that you are comy with that you can have a good relationship with so you know how to bolus. You will feel happy and successful when you ow what to do and have a couple successful blood sugars under your belt because you made educated decisions. Also, do he a phsycologist for the other problems like needing others approval so bad? You really sound like me with all the anxiety etc.... Its a horrible place to be but until you take the steps to change it, it won't change!
Comment by Doris D on May 10, 2012 at 8:32am

I Can soo relate to u no not theCeltics but on the part about doing ur best and not letting urself or anyone down. I do that all the time and I'm a good excuse maker myself. Honey Just know U CAN DO THIS!!!! I had to start doing a little at a time til I got used to doing the bs's and stuff in no way have u failed it just takes awhile to get used to it. Start out slowly and then go from there (That's what I did anyway)

Comment by brokenpole on May 10, 2012 at 8:43am

Felidia, I think that you were on to something with setting goals. My question is how many goals did you set for yourself. I work at a nuclear power plant and life here can be stressful. Here you are expected to set high standards maintian them.

With a life so full of other stressers you don't need to add more to the situation. So might I recommend setting a GOAL. Yes a goal, as in one goal. Don't take on too much you life is already full of hassels and stress. Just set one goal. I am going to test 5 times today. Then go do it. Take them on one at a time.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Comment by Felidia on May 10, 2012 at 9:25am
Thank you everyone for your support and comments. I think brokenpole is right, I need to take on 1 goal ONLY. Today, I tested in the AM, tested before I ate, and will try to test just 3 hours later when my pump reminds me to do so. That is my goal for today, and I think will be my goal for tomorrow: test in the AM, before meals, 3 hours after meals, and at bedtime. That should equate to at least 5 times per day.

Thanks again for the support. I really need ALL of you. x0x0x0
Comment by jrtpup on May 10, 2012 at 12:45pm

There's nothing wrong with your 'mission statement', but getting there will take more than one big leap. There is no failure here, just more to do, always. You've taken more than the first step, that's a success!

Comment by MM on May 10, 2012 at 7:03pm

Sounds like at work, things are very hectic and you get overwhelmed with demands. So you might want to do some 'pre-planning' when at home. Pack 'snack' bags or containers that you know how much insulin is needed for. You mentioned before that you would write down the #carbs, etc. If you don't know how much to bolus for what, see if you can experiment with measured amounts in the evening or weekends, when not in the stressed environment. It's boring, but eating the same things day after day can also help to figure out your numbers.

Another idea is to put up post-it notes with simple motivations, such as 'Just Do It !', or even a big smiley face, to remind you how important YOU are. It will be a memory jogger to take action on your 'goal of the day'.

When I was learning to ice skate, my wise old Dad said it was good when I fell, because it meant I was trying something new ! You're NOT FAILING. So just get up and try again.

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