Last night was terrible.
I have been on the CGM to sort of offset the 20 blood sugars I usually took a day to ensure I was within range. My background retinopathy is at such a point that it seems any deviations above 240 or below 60 cause issues with ischemic spots forming in my eyes.
I am so burned out. Certainly something we have all experienced.
Last night I barely slept. I got up with my Dex beeping at every low and high...I rebounded for 8 hours...only with my fear of damage did I manage to keep the highs at 180 and the lows at 68... barely making the razor edge I walk to avoid further damage.
I realize I did it wrong. I exercised earlier and got low...then compensated with food and was ok for a little while, but the exercise crept back in and made me not able to get above 65-75 for hours before bed. I drank juice, 4 oz and shot right up to 200. then I freak out, give myself 4 units and then watch as the Dex lets me know I am now going down fast.
It is like chasing the wind sometimes. And I know when I am in the middle of it, that I have allowed my extreme fear of eye issues to make me over treat in either direction.
It is not like I do this all the time... in fact most of the day I am a nice slow even arc on the Dex, but when factors like exercise and not eating enough or overcompensation come in the mix, I revert to a newbie and get scared of not doing it right, and not do it right.
Anyway I hate that all my posts as of late like such a downer, I guess the sudden change in my eyes and the tiny road I have to navigate to avoid it getting worse has really given me an emotional beating I am trying to get through. I KNOW I can do this...I have before, but this path of lowering my A1c and getting in tighter control, and really having more complications from it, just feels like a cosmic joke.
Long road behind me, and I hope an equally long one ahead, but just one that I can try to even out and become more at peace with.