Day 220 - McDonaldsization and Responsibility Part 7

I suggest to read the first part in this series for context - I have only shared part 7 because of the realizations of this memory and how I've created my own diabetes

http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-220-mcdonaldsiza...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn, develop, and create myself in a way where I suppress my emotions that I feel with a given moment through creating a point of happiness to put a veil over the emotions so that I do not have to directly experience them - only having to periodically experience them through the veil of happiness or positivity - something that I learnt to do through the memory of receiving McDonalds when I got stitches under my eye - where I blocked out all the emotions that I felt in that moment for an experience of happiness - in this not dealing with the emotions that I felt at that moment and in this not realizing that those emotions and that experience is still within me today and affecting my decisions in my day to day living in regards to working through emotions and how I've developed my relationship to emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the effect emotions have on me when placing a veil and layering the emotions with feelings of positivity - wherein each time the emotions surface I further block them out again with a point of happiness - mainly consuming a type of food = sugar to suppress the emotions that I am facing instead of looking at myself within the emotions and sorting myself out within/as the emotions - stopping the mess within the mind, stopping myself from allowing the mess to continue and in this sorting myself out of the emotions and stating in that moment what I will accept and allow from myself within/as the emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what I was accepting and allowing myself to do to myself when I accepted McDonalds when I got my eye stitched up, not realize or take the time to consider that which was going on within me and investigate myself at that time - never learning how to effectively handle myself within emotions - and in this moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn how to handle my emotions by suppressing them through creating a veil of positivity upon them, usually by consuming sweet foods - in this establishing my relationship with food and emotions simultaneously - in this allowing myself to frequently consume sugar in order to run from the emotions that I feel at a given time and in this I realize that I still have been living this relationship to this day wherein I will consume food in order to not face the emotions - still not living the point of responsibility for myself within the emotions through allowing myself to run and avoid any emotional experience that I feel through placing a veil over the emotions by/as consuming sugar - in this absolutely linking myself with diabetes to the emotions and relationship that I have developed to emotions wherein the law of attraction comes into play through wanting to attract happiness to myself by/as consuming sugar to avoid any `negativity` experienced within emotions - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I - throughout my life - have deliberately created emotions within me only so that I could consume sugar and have that feeling of happiness within me - allowing diabetes to manifest within myself - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how important it is for me to sort out myself within the emotions that I have suppressed throughout the years in order to be able to effectively and practically support myself in diabetes because if I allow this relationship to continue I am going to have a difficult time in taking care of myself in diabetes because I would allow myself to continue to consume sweets when/as I feel emotions - and thus within this I commit myself to stop running and hiding away from my emotions and feelings that I feel within a given moment through consuming foods that are high in sugar or high in carbohydrates and sugars such as McDonalds is an example of and sit down with myself with the emotions here in front of myself as myself and write myself out - investigate myself - see the relationships that I have connected to/as the emotions -what triggered the emotions to come up in myself/in the body - and forgive the connections forgive the abuse that I've allowed to do unto myself throughout the years in manifesting diabetes only for a point of happiness - and in this sort myself out effectively from the mess of emotions that I experience within a given moment to best assist and support myself to step out of the emotions and stop allowing the emotions to direct and influence me as I walk this world to live that which is best for all because it is clear that my relationship that I have developed with emotions within this point is not best for all in this world as it leads to the manifestation of diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live responsibility within/as myself in regards to assisting and supporting myself through the emotions through allowing the memory and experience of receiving McDonalds after getting my eye stitched up when I was 5 to influence my decisions to this day - where someone else took responsibility for my emotions that I was feeling at that moment by deciding that I should receive McDonalds for the situation that I was in and in this not live the point of responsibility for myself in that moment by/as allowing another to take responsibility for myself - and in this I realize that that one moment is how/where I've allowed myself to expect life to be easy and have it all work of fine in the end of life through wanting and always looking for someone else to be responsible for me - and that in this I have created and allowed sugar to be my god where I turn to sugar to take responsibility for myself in the emotions that I feel in a specific moment and wait throughout my life for the end of my life for a better life to exist through/as allowing myself to turn to sugar to keep myself going in this world the way that I am - having faith in sugar - having faith that sugar will always be there to make me feel better when I feel shitty - allowing myself to wait for a solution to myself in the emotions that I feel by allowing myself to place responsibility for myself in the emotions that I experience in sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this world does not support ourselves understanding and sorting ourselves out in the emotions that we experience but only teaches the suppression of the emotions with happiness or positivity and if that relationship has been a point in the manifestation of myself within diabetes - then diabetes is going to quickly become an epidemic for this world because as things get worse in this world for each and everyone's lives we will start to suppress the emotions further and further using points of immediate happiness to avoid and run away from the emotions - and in this I realize how important desteni is and forever will be within the creation of the world within what is best for all because through desteni and only through desteni have I begun to understand myself within the emotions that I experience and how they are connected to certain specific events and thus have consequently supported me in living what is best for myself as life in all aspects of my life and thus I suggest all reading this to go to http://lite.desteniiprocess.com for a free course to begin to understand ourselves in the mind and all that exists within/as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as well create the relationship of positivity over emotions with other people through allowing myself to live within/as it myself - in this causing others to experience the same thing that I have experienced throughout my life - in this not supporting them in understanding themselves in/as life and ourselves within/as the mind nor supporting them in walking through the emotions that they face but only offering a quick fix solution within/as a point of happiness and positivity wherein I developed my personality to be bubbly and indirect with people to avoid any emotional conflict between myself and the other - to remain within the veil of positivity within communication and the relationships that I have developed with other people

I commit myself to showing how important desteni really is in creating a truly `positive` effect in this world through not allowing positivity to become a veil over the negativity and supporting us all in investigating and understanding ourselves in the negative that we constantly exist within because this world has become an example of ourselves and as we look at this world in it's totality we can conclusively decide that this world is s*** and we have created and allowed extensive abuse in this world through keeping up the veil that we are beneficial creatures because we have `love`

I commit myself to stopping myself from suppressing the emotions that I feel at a given moment in my life and use that opportunity within the emotions to sit down with myself and walk myself through the emotions through writing and speaking what I am going through out loud - breathing through the process to slow myself down to get to the specifics within the emotions that I experience so that I can definitively walk myself through the emotions and sort myself out from the emotions that I experience and thus within this I commit myself to when/as I am thinking about consuming sugar in order to suppress the emotions that I am walking through to stop myself in that moment and not consume sugar or look for a point of happiness but to be here with myself in/as the emotions and write myself out of the emotions - and in this I commit myself to do the similar task with feelings of positivity to when/as I become overwhelmed with positivity - to slow myself down in breath and walk myself through the positivity in stopping myself from creating and allowing the positivity as a veil from anything that I may be experiencing in that moment - and in this stopping myself from re-creating the cycle over and over again between positivity and negativity

I commit myself to give myself the responsibility to walk myself through the emotions/thoughts/feelings that I experience and to in this when/as I am wanting a point within this world to take responsibility for myself in/as the feelings/emotions/thoughts that I have to breathe in that moment and bring myself back here to myself in breath and walk myself in writing and within the physical movements of speaking and writing myself out of the emotions/feelings/thoughts here in the physical to bring them here in front of me in a stable manner where one point is here at a time and in this give myself the responsibility to sort out one point within myself at a time to walk myself out of the mess that has become myself within the mind

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