On the very emotionally-loaded 40th Anniversary of Roe V. Wade, I reflect on all the life and death decisions I have made in a really, fairly average, middle-America life of one born in 1950.

Nothing at all out of the ordinary. A painful, hopeless pregnancy that was the result of a rape in the late 60s. Beloved pets euthanized who were in great pain over the course of 40 years of taking in strays (about 45 of them). My stillborn son, who was doomed but a few years later might have survived if they cut him out of me and let me die.

My Mother who, for whom, as a family, we struggled to help die in her home.

I honor all of the difficult decisions that we have to make as women. They are individual and absolutely need to be so.

Since Roe v. Wade, I have held the hand of Beloveds who have needed this procedure. They were loving souls and it was sad for all, but there was no extra trauma because it was safe.

Why has nothing to do with it. Circumstances can vary, but if you think this is an easy decision, you are out of touch with reality. And if you think not making this courageous choice makes life easier, you haven't really walked in the shoes of that choice. Have you followed up on any individual lives that chose otherwise? There is no easy answer and I have no patience for any who say there is without also supplying support of many kinds.

Safe is better than painful and the terror of Death. That night, I thought I would die tomorrow. Just like any hostage of war. PTSD applies. Even 45 years later. Not The Choice. The Circumstances. The blood and fear. But that is because it was Illegal and Underground.

I was one of the lucky ones in those days. I survived. Women healers simply helped with this horrible choice for generations until males took over medicine and burned them all as witches. It's always been there and always will.

If you haven't yet had to make a life and death decision, well then, I wish you well when your time comes. It will come. And I wish you Comfort and Peace in your decision…..Blessings...

The photo is of Chervil, our eldest and next most likely to demand of us a decision about The Timing of Death......