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Sorry, but here is another blog about how I'm not doing well.
For the most part I do EXCELLENT during the day, BG's are in normal range, I eat well, workout and feel amazing. But at night once I come home and the all the days work and stress seem to become more visible and I cave in and basically give up. I don't care what I eat and I'll keep eating until almost an hour before bed which is 12 or 1am. This is really unhealthy and unproductive because I start my day early 7am and because I binge at night I usually have to take a good couple of hours in the morning to fix my highs and then through out the day I am tired and thirsty... But I push through the day, workout, eat healthy and make sure the things that I'm suppose to get done get done and I feel good again... but then I get home & the pattern starts up again.
I feel like I'm 2 different people in 2 different bodies and mind sets. The 1st one is willing to work hard, interact with people, study and plan events and the 2nd one that just doesn't care, wants to stay away from people and wants to sabotage all my hard work for the day. I feel like crap when I go to bed and sometimes when I wake up.... I am willing to give the new day a try and not repeat yesterday's mistakes but for the past 2weeks this pattern has been going on and I just can't seem to break it.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have had T1D for almost 7years and I DO NOT want to continue this way but I have no hope in myself that I will not continue this way.
I'm so tired of this diseases that when I think about it I want to put my fist through a wall...
I just... I don't know