Diabetes Sux... But I Wont Let It Kill Me

In August 2008, while in a hospital bed, I received my very first Freestyle Lite Glucose meter. Because I was locked down in the hospital, I had plenty of time to read the instruction booklet and get familiar with it. I thought it was pretty easy to use, and was impressed that it could hold literally hundreds of readings.

I started to use it when I got discharged and got attached to it pretty quickly. I thought it would be easier and more efficient to keep every single reading on just one meter. But then again, I was a very new diabetic... and I had no clue what the future held for me.

I now had to think about diabetes literally ALL DAY LONG. I was checking my levels several times a day. I downloaded a diabetes app on my iPhone. I was used to doing things last minute, any way I wanted... that came to an end. If I ran out of the house in a hurry, and forgot my meter, I had to go back and get it; or, deal with just guessing what to do based on how I felt. I had to carry snacks with me. At work I began carrying glucose tablets & gel in my uniform pockets.

If I wanted to take my Suzuki for a ride, and my levels were too low, I had to wait for them to get higher. If I was already on my bike, or in my Jeep, and felt a crash coming on, I had to pull over, take my glucose level, then have some OJ or whatever I carried in my bike, and wait there until I was better.

If I wanted to go to the gym, my Dr. advised me to eat snacks or drink OJ during the workout and take my levels every 15 minutes. WTF? That meant I couldn't even work out with the same intensity. Eat snacks during a workout? Stop every 15 minutes? Drink OJ? That sounded insane to me... until one day I was bench pressing with a co-worker of mine and began to crash. She was spotting me and could see my eyes looked different. She helped me lower the bar. I took my glucose level and it was low. I sat there for about 20 minutes, drank some OJ, and eventually left, frustrated. So now, I bring my gym bag with me containing a meter, glucose tablets, cold OJ and cold water.

Diabetes sucks.

A few months ago, I went on a three day vacation and was just walking around, sight-seeing and shopping. Firstly, I now have to carry a messenger bag with my meter, glucose tablets, etc. I had to be mindful of stopping every so often, snacking all day, and keeping my levels tight. What a pain in the ass that was. Because I had to snack on and off, I wasn't as hungry at dinner and was p***ed because I was looking forward to the restaurant and the great food.

It's been two years since I got my first meter. Since then, I've been through a lot, but also learned a lot about Diabetes. I have a meter in my car, in my bike, in my work bag, and by my bedside. I have glucose tablets, extra test strips, lancets, and alcohol pads in all those same places, including my locker at work. Supplies fall out of glove boxes, consoles, and bags. It's tiring.

I'm trying to do this thing right, by taking my meds every day, even when I don't feel like it, and checking my levels several times a day... even when I don't feel like it. But some days it's just such a struggle. I get tired of pricking my fingertips. Tired of swallowing pills. Tired of feeling awful when my levels aren't right. And most of all, tired of being afraid of whether I'm gonna pass out, or not wake up one morning.

But then I go to work, on patrol, and all day long I see these people with one foot, one leg, passing out... and they have diabetes they either don't manage, can't manage, or refuse to manage. That's when I say, I can't end up like that. I refuse to end up like that. I have to do this right. I can't let this kill me.

Views: 22

Comment by melindalaw on November 1, 2010 at 3:57am
Your description of testing and your life describes mine. I test and go to the gym. I test and I work out . I test and I go on my bike, drive or not drive. I test and I drive my car or don't drive my car.I test and I eat or change what I eat and take GU chomps if I am low. I have been testing just about as long as I can remember in one form or another. Yes the strips are everywhere, my car, bike, desk, bedside has all of this stuff, and it probably always will. This is my life, and I have a pretty wonderful life.
Comment by Hakima on November 1, 2010 at 3:01pm
How cool is this... a comment on my post, someone else who knows what this is like.
Comment by melindalaw on November 1, 2010 at 5:56pm
More than you know . When was road racing motorcycles, I tested every 45 minutes, kept the meter on the bench in the pits every time I came in off the track. I test all the time. My life is dictated by numbers. If I wake up and want to go running at 6am and my number is not right, I cannot go. (for me , anything above 240 is a no go and below 100 is a no go.) I get p***ed off, shrug it off and make sure I don't miss another day during the week.It actually starts the night before to make sure my numbers are right, by eating without any rebounds, nothing loaded with carbs, and theerfore less insulin.

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