Diabilimia
I think it's time for me to share my story.
I want to let people know about a problem I am suffering with, so I can gain support and also help other people that are suffering from this also.
I have Diabulimia!
It has took me a long time to admit to this, and trust me, it isnt easy to do.
I discovered by accident that I could loose weight by not taking any insulin. I won't go into to much detail about this now but if youd like to know then please ask.
It started off mildly at first, if i was eating something high in calorise, something i knew i shouldnt really be eating I wouldnt take my insulin. Then I started not taking my insulin with meals and letting myself run high for a while afterwards, then take my bolus to bring me back down. I didnt feel bad doing this at the time because I started to slowly loose weight. I'm not going to lie I was happy about this. My friends would be constently dieting and going to the gym all the time to shead the pounts, and I was eating what I liked when I liked and loosing weight quicker then them. It was easy.
After a while I wasnt taking any insulin through the day at all, just my glargine at night before I went to bed. I felt sick at first but I started to get used to it.
I'd hide what I was doing from my parents, and I didnt check my BM's at all, basically because I knew I would be high. After about 6 months my Mam started to notice that I was loosing weight without any change to my diet. And a recent visit to the diabetes clinic for my annual check up showed that my weight went down alot more then I thought and my HB1c was very hight at 12.6. My parents started paying close attention to me the after that. They noticed that although I was ordering repeat prescriptions for my Glargine I wasnt ordering any for my insulin, and they'd never seen me check my blood or take my insluin with meals for a long time.
One day I forgot to take my glargine before I went to bed and ended up admitted to hospital for a week with DKA. That scared me, I knew I had a problem and I needed to do something about it to prevent this from happening again. But I couldnt stop. I tried, but I slipped back into my old habbits.
Then my parents pullled me about it they basically told me that they knew what I was doing and they wanted to help me stop. Of course they didnt understand fully, they didnt know what was going on in my head. Actually even I dont know whats going on in my head, I dont know why this is such an issue and why I cant just stop and do things properly.
I had another check up at the clinic a couple of days after this and that is when I finally told someone.
The clinic put my intouch with a psychiatrist for someone to talk to and try and find out why exactly I am doing this.
So heres to the start of a long recovery process.
If anyone is going through the same problem at the moment and would like someone to talk who knows exactly what you are going through then please contact me. I dont know of anyone else that is going through this and I would love the chance to speak to someone that properly understands me,
I want to let people know about a problem I am suffering with, so I can gain support and also help other people that are suffering from this also.
I have Diabulimia!
It has took me a long time to admit to this, and trust me, it isnt easy to do.
I discovered by accident that I could loose weight by not taking any insulin. I won't go into to much detail about this now but if youd like to know then please ask.
It started off mildly at first, if i was eating something high in calorise, something i knew i shouldnt really be eating I wouldnt take my insulin. Then I started not taking my insulin with meals and letting myself run high for a while afterwards, then take my bolus to bring me back down. I didnt feel bad doing this at the time because I started to slowly loose weight. I'm not going to lie I was happy about this. My friends would be constently dieting and going to the gym all the time to shead the pounts, and I was eating what I liked when I liked and loosing weight quicker then them. It was easy.
After a while I wasnt taking any insulin through the day at all, just my glargine at night before I went to bed. I felt sick at first but I started to get used to it.
I'd hide what I was doing from my parents, and I didnt check my BM's at all, basically because I knew I would be high. After about 6 months my Mam started to notice that I was loosing weight without any change to my diet. And a recent visit to the diabetes clinic for my annual check up showed that my weight went down alot more then I thought and my HB1c was very hight at 12.6. My parents started paying close attention to me the after that. They noticed that although I was ordering repeat prescriptions for my Glargine I wasnt ordering any for my insulin, and they'd never seen me check my blood or take my insluin with meals for a long time.
One day I forgot to take my glargine before I went to bed and ended up admitted to hospital for a week with DKA. That scared me, I knew I had a problem and I needed to do something about it to prevent this from happening again. But I couldnt stop. I tried, but I slipped back into my old habbits.
Then my parents pullled me about it they basically told me that they knew what I was doing and they wanted to help me stop. Of course they didnt understand fully, they didnt know what was going on in my head. Actually even I dont know whats going on in my head, I dont know why this is such an issue and why I cant just stop and do things properly.
I had another check up at the clinic a couple of days after this and that is when I finally told someone.
The clinic put my intouch with a psychiatrist for someone to talk to and try and find out why exactly I am doing this.
So heres to the start of a long recovery process.
If anyone is going through the same problem at the moment and would like someone to talk who knows exactly what you are going through then please contact me. I dont know of anyone else that is going through this and I would love the chance to speak to someone that properly understands me,
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Comment by Joe_h on January 24, 2011 at 7:23am
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wow that's very scary so very happy you are stepping up and taking this on and taking care of yourself. there are others here who are going through what you are now there is a group here too for eating disorders that you may want to check out:
http://www.tudiabetes.org/group/diabeticswitheatingdisorders?commen...
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Comment by Devon Inglee on January 24, 2011 at 9:53am -
Thank you for sharing your story- I am glad that you are getting support for it. Please keep us updated!
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Comment by Appie Mol on January 24, 2011 at 10:32am -
I really think that you're a strong person, just because of the fact you're sharing this!
Hold on to this and get well!!!
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Comment by dickengel on January 24, 2011 at 2:40pm -
it is tempting but dont forget about complications - Blindness dialysis amputations and death
This is serious shit! I have survived 32 years on insulin and went thru bouts of better and worser control. My eyes have been taken apart and put back together now my heart is having issues and I am being treated for that - fortunately my kidneys are OK. Anyhow I finally decided on te side of better control and bought the Dexcom 7 CGM. It is never easy but we gotta try!
The first step in healing is recognizing the issue and it looks like you have done that - Good Luck
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Comment by Sarah1988 on January 24, 2011 at 3:52pm -
Thank you for the support.
Trust me I know all about the complications, but theyre long term, theyre easier to forget. But I'm trying! :)
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Comment by Kari on January 24, 2011 at 5:57pm -
They aren't necessarily 'long term'. I developed retinopathy VERY fast because of poor control. And it progressed from a little to sever VERY fast. It's not something you can say 'well, it won't happen right away'. You could wake up tomorrow with a huge hemorrhage in your eye, blocking out your sight in one eye, like I did. I'd had a dilated eye exam only 4 months before that and there was NO sign of the retinopathy at that checkup.
I don't mean to sound rude, or harsh, but I just don't want you to think that ANY of the complications are 'long term'. They can happen anytime, and they can happen fast.
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Comment by Sarah1988 on January 25, 2011 at 3:50am
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I understand what your saying Kari but at the same time none of these effects are happening to me right now. I kind of have the thought in my head "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" but I do know it will be too late then, I am getting there though, my HB1c has went from 12.6 to 10.9, after 5 weeks of being on the pump, which I am really happy about, I know it is still high and I need to bring it down more, but there is no quick fix for Dibulimia.
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