DIACOPS ON THE BEAT
Have you heard of the new reality series? It is named Diacops and their mission is to locate, arrest and lockup diabetes. Diacops are young, aggressive, hunks and babes who work in Los Angeles. Their headquarters are in a trendy neighborhood, in a restored beautiful 1930’s mansion. This is intentional so that the Diacops are constantly reminded about the origin of their mission, and the days immediately after the discovery and marketing of insulin. Since 1932 Diacops have been on the job searching for diabetes where it strikes and when it does break out, they often drop off 10 syringes or 13 alcohol swabs (they used to drop off 19 but there have been budget cuts). Many times Diacops simply drop off oranges for aspiring diabetics to practice with. Other times they drop off 2 tons of brochures to every diabetic who is identified. Wherever they go Diacops are recognized as the good guys in the battle against diabetes.
Along with their helpers, diabetic CDE’s often referred to as SeeDe’s and DocYok’s usually called doctors, the Diacops patrol the diabetic beats of the world. The Diacops are and always will be the first line of defense against the scourge of diabetes. Last year alone this force arrested almost 2 diabetic causing agents operating in Europe and North America.
The most important work of the Diacops are conducted by the Diadectives. The Diadectives track and hunt diabetes all over the world. Just last week the Diadectives found (after one year of intensive work) 1 liver enzyme which they believe might be responsible for over 79 cases of diabetes worldwide. Presently the Diadectives along with the specialty trained DocYok’s and a bevy of SeeDe’s are interrogating this enzyme. They have it in a small room with a single light. That room is stocked with Diatele Books and the much discussed Diadipper Boards so in case things need to get rough the Diadectives can move on to much “harsher” interrogation tactics. These tactics are almost always needed. These enzymes are tough actors. They live in secret and move shamelessly across the Diaborders of the world. These routes are routinely shared by Diadesperados and Diasmugglers. But this one time the Diadectives tracked them down and stopped these awful characters.
As a public service the Diacops operate two toll free informational numbers. For instance if you see a Diasmuggler or Diadesperado, you can dial the tip line at 1-DIA-BAD-GUY. On this line you can leave information about various enzymes, proteins, complex sugars, or simple sugars that spread diabetes everywhere. Once on the trail the DocYoks swoop in and give the Diacops leads about where to find the hated illicit trade in these elements.
A second number that the Diacops operate is 1-PEE-ALOT it is a first line diabetic help line operated perhaps as many as 1 hour per week by trained SeeDe’s who can give important advice about how to stop the that constant flow. If you have run out of pads, if your underwear is soaked you might need to call 1-PEE-ALOT for answers to that underside wetness condition. If you call 1-PEE-ALOT and it is unmanned you are directed to your local SeeDe or DocYok office for more information. Oh and if you leave your telephone number you will receive 42 packages of information ranging from demands for money to ideas about how to protect yourself from or stamp out this disease in your lifetime*.
Finally, the Diacops operate the Web site ( www.TIRED-AND-PEE-A-LOT.ORG ) on this web site the Diadectives with the assistance of their trusty aides the DocYoks track and classify nothing. With almost no annual hits per year this site is important in the world of diabetic research, education and prevention. Over the last 18 years this site has been operational an impressive 5 hours. This is mostly due to the expanded PBR series 2 smart brain computer system which cost $698,567.00 and which no one has any idea how to operate. Including the technicians who recently installed the beta version 0.02A12900067 software package almost (well ok), no one knows how to operate of this stuff. In fact it is so bad
Actually they do not really do much at all. They might of course, but cutbacks and the general reduction of funding have decimated the Diacops and the Diadectives force. Today they have less than 92% of the effective funding that was available in 1931. With just under 1.1 billion dollars the 14 Diacops try hard to serve the entire world. It is a losing proposition. Yet the Diacops remain on the beat trying hard to stop this whenever and wherever they can.
Today more than ever the Diacops need your help to carry on their relentless mission to rid the world of diabetes. Yet to continue this important task the Diacops need help, your help. If you wish to reduce or destroy diabetes please contribute to this important effort. With barely $1.1 billion per year these 14 diacops and their volunteer Seede’s and DocYoks are waging a battle with all they have. Stop diabetes in your lifetime*, give and give generously to the world wide federation of Diacops. Please go to (www.Cops-Beat-Diabetes.Org) to give**.
(*Lifetime might not be defined as yours, the term lifetime refers to a general life time, which may be shorter or longer than your lifetime. Life times are defined as any period of time after which you cannot litigate the Diacops or their affiliates, including subsidiaries, for failure to produce an outcome that actually produces a cure of diabetes)
(**Contributions are not tax deductible, after all this is all a joke so if you’re going to pony up slip WWW.TUDiabetes.Org the money, they can actually use it after all.)