My friend Mindy seems to think she's ready to be engaged. She just turned 16 at the beginning of the month!

Ok here's what happened: we were talking on facebook when she started complaining about how her bf Kendall is thinking about joining the national guard if he cant get the money for college. So she starts going on and on about how if he "leaves her" and joins the guard, she'll have to break up with him because of the distance. (and for this reason, Im praying that if he doesnt join guard, he'll at least go AWAY to college!)

At the same time she's saying how much she "loves him." Then she says that her status change from "single" to "engaged" was only partly a joke. Apparently she got Kendall to admit he wanted to ask. He's a year older than us. We'll be Juniors in HS and he'll be a Senior. I told her she should wait til we're out of HS and that we're not mature enough yet. She said she is. She's so caught up in what she thinks is true love that she cant see how young she is. She wants to be all grown up, but she's just not.

And all this comming from the kid that almost dropped out last year. And the kid who was foolish enough to let Kendall put his hands in the wrong places when they had only been going out for 2 weeks. (also the girl that has been "in love" 3 times during Sophomore year)

Come to think of it, most of my friends that have a boyfriend or girlfriend think it is true love. 96% of HS sweethearts break up after HS anyway (and yes, thats a real statistic). And I know of a few who did end up getting married after HS. Theyre divorced now.

Am I the only HS student thats smart enough to wait?

And what am I supposed to tell this girl to make her see?

b

Views: 7

Comment by Domo! on July 26, 2010 at 8:33pm
to each their own, sometimes we have to make our own mistakes and learn from them
Comment by Gerri on July 26, 2010 at 8:46pm
Kudos for being smart & in control of your life. I think back on my high school bf & how in love we were. I'm glad I didnt marry him. Getting married too young isn't a formula for success.

There's nothing you can tell this girl. She'll just get angry & defensive & you'll lose a friend. People have to make their own mistakes & learn. Hoping she comes to her senses on her own.
Comment by Jeremy Steinhart on July 26, 2010 at 10:21pm
I just graduated from high school in May, and I do have to admit that there have been a couple of girls that I have been interested in. However, I knew myself enough to know that I wasn't ready to start "dating".

My sister (who is a year younger) started dating one of my friends back in August of last year, a relationship that lasted until this last April, and when it ended, the waterworks began, this coming about a month after they had just faked a breakup on facebook. When they faked the breakup, I knew the whole time it was fake, so I posted some seemingly insensitive comments, not the least of which was a link to a video of the Hallelujah Chorus. Eventually this lead to a discussion amongst myself and one of my sister's friends about high school relationships (which as a general rule I am opposed to). The sad realization I came to is, very few teenagers use dating for its original purpose: to find a spouse. Rather, they view dating as a means of having fun and fulfillment, and all to easily allow their relationships to become sensual and hormonally controlled. When this happens, it is nearly impossible to reason with them, as they are now making their decisions based on feelings caused by those nasty things called teenage hormones.

To answer your questions, are you the HS student that's smart? no, but you are in a select group that is. I am lucky enough to have several friends that are the same, but I also have friends (most of which I haven't seen in several years) who aren't, specifically one 20 days younger than me who got engaged late last year.

Finally, what can you tell her? In reality, they probably isn't anything you can tell her to change her mind, the only thing that you can do is pray for her. Pray that God will show her how foolish she really is for thinking that she is ready to commit to marriage at such a relatively young age.
Comment by brandi on July 27, 2010 at 7:12am
Thanks for the help guys. Talking to her last night, she was starting to get defenseive, so I had to make a subject change...I really hope she comes to her senses. Or Kendall comes to his and tells her he's not ready to commit to marraige either.
Comment by Cathy Jacobson on July 28, 2010 at 9:00pm
You are a good friend work through this with her. But please know if she and her bf go and make this permanent, it was nothing that you did or didn't do with her. You are right she is being silly and stupid, but at 16 you think that you know everything, and friends and family know nothing. Stick by her, be her friend, be her confidante, but that doesn't mean that you have to agree with her. She is walking (running) down a path that could be very dangerous for her, her bf and her future. Encourage her to stay in school, and maybe not be so giving of herself. It is very scarey to me to be a mom, and know that I wasn't ready to be a mom, a wife at 26 and there are young ladies who think they are ready at 16.....I'll be praying for her.
Comment by brandi on July 29, 2010 at 7:11am
thanks Cathy
Comment by The Diabetic Welfare Queen on August 20, 2010 at 6:48pm
Oh... Brandi... I so hear ya. We're just such little know it all's at that age, aren't we? We think we know love... we think we know what's best...we always know everything... and grown ups just wanna keep us "down" cus they don't understand... cus they've never been young! heh :) Than you go out into the real world, and life slaps ya across the face hard! It's the way of the world... I guess. I always found that asking people open ended questions was the most useful way to somehow getting them thinking on their own ... like "So, what do you think is the most mature solution?" or "What do you think you can do so that you still keep your dreams and goals?" ... just questions that maybe put the "coming to conclusions" in their own brain rather than them thinking you are trying to tell them what to do, and stuff like that... Sadly, people WILL make mistakes, and those people... are going to be someone's friends, and someone's kids... I'm glad you're smart enough to see the difference. I think I heard my parents be so hurt and upset at their friend's kids getting accidentally knocked up that I was in such fear of boys I kept them away from me with a 10 foot pole for years and years after school. lol Be there for her, when she's stressed out and try to help her do some of those "reflexive reasoning" questions... but don't kill yourself trying to make sure she makes the right decisions, or feel extreme guilt if she still ignores you... You gotta look out for yourself, too. :) In the end, we're all just responsible for our own lives, and parents for their kids.
Comment by brandi on August 21, 2010 at 8:14am
Thanks Lizmari! Youre always so helpful :)

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