OK so I'm putting on my gym clothes this morning and I check my email. My new lab results are in. Great! Can't wait to see some improvement since I've been working real hard to keep things under control.

My last result back in Feb was 8.3. I was pretty confident that I could improve on that, right?

So I open the result and there it is staring me in the face...8.3...again.

I can't f*cking believe it.

Now let me just say something. I bust my ass trying to fight this POS disease. Every freaking day...in the gym, on the court, kettlebell class, at the grocery store...errr....checking constantly, correcting, eating right, counting carbs...arrrgh!!

I've been getting a lot of lows too, which I figured would have skewed this A1c number down a little.

But...the more I think about it...I have been eating out more often, and my post meal sugars have been high...my morning sugars can be high, and my post bball numbers are so unpredictable.

Still...8.3?!..it just isn't right. Not with this much daily effort.

Needless to say I barely made it to the gym today, but I did get my morning workout in. I'm dragging my feet, smiling at no one and snapping at loved ones. I'm so f*cking p***ed off right now I don't know what to do.

Diabetes is once again kicking my ass. And it feels extra lame this time, because I'm literally working my balls off every day to win. And when I check the score, I'm always down by a couple points. F*ck me running.

I will be facing the music on Monday...Endo appointment. She'll push the pump on me again and I'll refuse like I always do...and then I'll promise to bring my A1c down bliggety blah blah blah.

Thanks for reading. I hate to be such a downer...but I know today won't kill me, and you know what they say about things that don't kill you.

Happy Sugars y'all.

Views: 14

Comment by snowangel66 on June 5, 2009 at 8:57am
ugh i'm having a bad beetus day as well you're not the only one. I'm so anal about keeping my blood sugars in control that when they go outside the boundaries I seriously feel like a failure. It really gets me so down and depressed sometimes, especially these random highs that i can't figure out where they came from, we'll keep on fighting it, You're not alone
Comment by Robyn on June 5, 2009 at 9:05am
I was like that last night.....went to bed and thought......"when will I ever get it right?" It is like an "never-ending circle" test,high,inject,eat, inject,exercise,low,eat,high,inject,test, inject, exercise,eat,test.....................I just tell myself.....keep going,Robyn....you have to!
I am just grateful I have all my TU friends that understand. Thank god, or I would go insane......lol.....Dino, I hope it gets better for you...:)
Comment by Marie B on June 5, 2009 at 3:11pm
the d monster loves to hold you down with his foot on your chest and laugh. I know you've made so many changes and improvements this year, and now it feels like all that hard work, and for what? I also know you're going to get right back on track. taking small steps towards better choices is always a good idea. you have many friends here.
Comment by Domo! on June 6, 2009 at 2:17pm
sometimes 3 months isn't enough time to get it all right. Keep on going and wait for you next a1c
Comment by Pamela W on July 3, 2009 at 4:18am
What a breath of fresh air to hear someone else struggling. As they say, misery loves company. That's what I like about this site, knowing that I'm not alone and that I'm not the only village idiot who can't get her numbers straight. I've been using the pump for two years now, and I've been a type one diabetic for 6 years. Anyway, I would get so discouraged in my pump groups because they would say stuff like they used 1 unit or less each hour...or their daily totals (long acting insulin) was 20 or so. I felt like a failure. Like why is it that I work my ass off with food and exercise and I use about 40 units not including meals. In the begining I was so strict that I would chase my sugars or not eat when it was too high. I would not exercise in fear that I would drop too low and had trouble pulling it all together. 6 years later I still don't have it down and it drives me insane. I'm starting to accept the fact that the more I try to keep it under control the more it runs. But I have learned that I ask for help where I need it more often.
On that note, why are you hesitant to use the pump? Are you a type one or type two diabetic? Do you use any insulin? Like Domo said it can take more than 3 months to get yourself down. I would look at any improvement you see. Celebrate where you can. For example, are you sleeping better now that you exercise more? or Are your numbers getting lower gradually? It's easy to focus on the negative but give yourself some credit. Best wishes
Pam
Comment by Kelly Rawlings on July 10, 2009 at 11:25am
Too bad the A1C doesn't calculate some points for effort instead of just results.

I have a similar bad patch. Had an 8 A1C at my GPs office after a patch of hovering around 7 (I've been worse, but definitely want to be better). Worked really, really hard for 1.5 months leading up to my quarterly endo visit. Brought her tons of glucose records, tweaked my basals endlessly, was actually LOOKING FORWARD to the A1C. And it was 8. Again. Even the doc was surprised.

A couple of months later, I took another A1C. It was 6.9. That made me happy. And I hope I can continue that progress.

But I honestly made just as much effort to check and adjust and select food and exercise when I got the 8s. And that's the hard truth about diabetes. Even when you try, you still may not get it "right." Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in that.

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