Comment by Teena on February 27, 2011 at 10:40pm

Dear Cara, I can understand how you must be feeling... I am lucky that my Mom is a dietitian by profession and understands the medical background of type 2 diabetes. However, I have elder relatives, grandparents and aunts who claims the same as your Mom... Diagnosed at at 32 (Im also 35) at 5'4 120 lbs, I have been accused of having type 2 because of my love of chocolates, eating rice, and having too much cakes in my system (I enjoy baking) as the predisposing reasons why I have it. Ive gone through the process of getting annoyed, frustrated, endlessly reasoning out, educating them, arguing, etc... Nowadays...I often simply shrug my shoulders and smile at them. I sometimes (when I feel my audience is "receptive" enough) still do educate others on type 2 diabetes... I do not claim I know everything about it but often I get so amazed with how much information they do and they do not know.
Good luck with your Mom...I do hope you can get through her =) And if not...Im sure trying again in the future might work.

Comment by Gerri on February 28, 2011 at 1:34am

When I was diagnosed T1 at 53 (no family history), my mother came up with a load of reasons. People want cause & effect even if it hurts us & some people like to lay blame. Finally, I had enough of her theories that included not eating breakfast, not sleeping enough, taking terrible care of myself, having a stressful job. We're close. I told her it wounded me & I never wanted to hear blame/shame again. She did ok for a couple weeks & then started again during a phone call. Told her I was hanging up because I didn't want to hear it, wanted an apology & hung up. I've also turned my back & walked out of the room. I sent her diabetes info to avoid arguing with her "facts." Not saying this will help with your mother, but it saved me from some anger & tears.

Tell her when you feel strong enough to face it. You've got enough to deal with right now.

Comment by Brian (bsc) on February 28, 2011 at 5:25am

When I was diagnosed, it really hit me hard. Part of it was that if I could not understand exactly how and why I got diabetes, then maybe I brought it on myself. Over time, I have reflected deeply on these matters and I've concluded that "no" I didn't do this to myself, it just happened. But this took much time. You are still new, the wound is still raw. You have not convinced yourself it is not your fault. If you felt strong about this you would not worry about what anyone says. But please, look around you. You will see all kinds of people displaying behavior that is exactly the behavior associated with "giving yourself diabetes." Do these people have diabetes? Look at people who are overweight, morbidly obese. And they don't have diabetes. I don't for a minute think that you "gave yourself diabetes." You logically know that, but it is going to take some time for you to feel that in your heart. Until then, you can be hurt by others comments.

Comment by Jackie Warren Demijohn on February 28, 2011 at 7:40am

I would suggest, cara75 that you do NOT, at this time tell your mother of your diagnosis. You are an adult with a family of your own and are under no obligation to tell ANY one your business. This one decision will help to take the pressure off you so you can focus on your own self-care. Then, and only then, when you are ready, tell the people that you wish to tell and take it one step at a time.

I am sorry that you are frightened and that is very understandable. Try to reach out to others who can aid you in your quest to understand The Big D. Knowlege is power! Good luck to you and be kind to yourself. Jax

Comment by Gluke Skywalker on February 28, 2011 at 9:33am

Cara, without sounding cliche, it really is up to you. However, keeping it a secret may be bit rough. Think about the pros and cons of telling your parents. In my case, I let everyone around me know, because if I pass out on the floor I want them to know WHY it's happening and be able to help me. However, if you are worried about the emotional toll it may take on your parents, then you may want to consider thinking HOW to tell them, if you decide that you still want to inform them. You may have your own family unit, so to speak, but they still are your parents. Maybe letting them know, and following up with the assurance that you are doing good and that you will be fine, may help them cope a little better. I hope whatever decision you make works out for you and your family.

Comment by Hismouse on February 28, 2011 at 11:13am

First of all, are you on meds for the New Type 2? I wouldn't tell her. And another question, Type 2 has some family history I am guessing. Who has it? Is it your Mom's side or Dad's?

I think you should just change your diet and let your Mom know you are caring for your health and doing it for your family and self. If you do change your diet, and exercise you Diabetes will get better. The Glory of Type 2 is that you have choices to control it or let it get worse.

The stress of telling your Mom and having her judje you for the rest of her life, will add to higher BS for you. You sound like its stressful at the thought of telling her, so this is why I say that.

My Mother has beat me up for 39 yrs and thinks its my fault, Yeah Type 1 is my fault, she let me get sicker and sicker with Strep and it damaged my Heart, and Pancreas, But she said at the Time I was diagnosed it was my Diabetes, UH NO she has judged me for my lifetime...

Good Luck :)

Comment by LaGuitariste on March 1, 2011 at 7:51am

Two ideas:

One - Don't tell her. If she's anything like my sister, she'll drive you insane with the snarky comments.

Two - Make it into a game. Get some poster board. Mark it into squares. In each square, jot down the most common snarky comments that people make to diabetics. The more outrageous, the more points. Then, every time she pops off with one of the bad ones ("You're eating THAT?" or "You're diabetic, you can't have any cake!!!" etc.) then give yourself points. For each 500 points (or whatever) you get a treat of some kind: having your car detailed by one of those services that come to your workplace, a new DVD, a new lipstick, a night out at Borders browsing books and picking out a new novel to read in the coffee shop, far from the dishes and other chores at home. Something fun. You'll start rooting for her to make snarky comments and think a little YES!!! when she pushes you into reward territory. It may actually drive her nuts that you smile and do a little happy dance when she says something snarky, which would be an added bonus. ;0)

Comment by LaGuitariste on March 1, 2011 at 7:59am

Oh, and for the record, I will never again tell anyone at work that I'm diabetic. I learned this the hard way.

If I keel over, they can call 911, and the paramedics will figure it out (my purse if full of diabetic gear and I'll wear a medical alert necklace under my clothes.)

But people look at my fat bottom the second they hear "diabetic" and they ALWAYS blame me, judge me and in general look down on me like I'm some kind of sub-human who deserves scorn or ridicule, not compassion.

My experience with telling people has NOT gone well. I'll take my chances with people not knowing because I do not enjoy being treated like garbage by the ignorant.

Comment by cara75 on March 1, 2011 at 8:10am

Jean, Snarky Comment Bingo is a fabulous idea!

I've only told one coworker that I'm somewhat close with and the only ignorant comment she made was "but if you exercise and eat right, it will eventually go away, right?" She didn't say it in a hateful way or anything, she truly thought that. Other than that the only people that know are my husband and my very best friend. That's one reason why this site has been so helpful!

Comment by trina on March 1, 2011 at 10:19am

Look love and take care of yourself. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to that's the beauty of being grown and living on your own. You can run your life how you see fit. I don't understand having a mother that is not supportive of me but if you want you can borrow mine she's great! Just love yourself and know that whatever you choose to do, do it for you and your well being not because of someone else good luck

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