Wow! God is good!

It's been about 2 1/2 years since I last saw an endo...

My last appointment was hard to even show up for. Then, when I did show up, horrible numbers in hand, begging for Chantix to help me quit smoking, hoping for a voice of reason, direction and encouragement to get back on track after a couple of really bad years (lost both parents-in-law and my own mother - all of whom were between the ages of 55 - 65 - in a three year time span and had NOT been a "good girl" diabetes-wise), all I got was a lecture that began with, "SO - three years ago, you decided to give up on your life, hm?" It got worse - complete with detailed descriptions of all the horrible ways I could die (all of which I'm very aware of - having seen my mother die in one of those many ways) - I was openly bawling when I left..

I finally got the courage to try again - a new endo - I heard she was nice and wouldn't yell at me...

She was WONDERFUL! Totally encouraging - stated that my 7.9 a1c was not SO bad - certainly needs improvement, but not horrible. Recommended the pump! (Which I'd been wanting, but other doctors had discouraged for whatever reasons) and put me on Symlin (sp?)... Did all the bloodwork and found that I have no liver or kidney damage - and my triglycerides are better.. (198)

I left feeling encouraged and hopeful. Why can't they ALL be like that? I guarantee I'll be much more successful if I feel that I can go to my doctor for support even when I'm not perfect... When people have other illnesses, doctors blame the ILLNESS - why is Diabetes so different? I'm not trying to escape my responsibility - but by the time I go to the endocrinologist, I'm looking to do better - not to know how badly I've screwed up. I know when I've screwed up - and I worry about it more than they can possibly imagine. I have a beautiful 7 year old and I want to be there for her a LOT longer than my mother was able to be there for me.

Thank God for encouraging words and a doctor who is willing to do something, rather than discourage.

Please, please, PLEASE - do not respond to this with comments about how AWFUL we diabetics are and how doctors are sick of dealing with those of us who are "noncompliant"... I know. I'm sure it is true - and I'd probably get discouraged too, if I had to deal with me and others like me... But, you know - I DO have to deal with me. Every day - good or bad - 23 years with the "D" with never one moment off for good behavior. I thank God for doctors who understand and for the tudiabetes community empathy and support. :)

Views: 14

Comment by The Diabetic Welfare Queen on March 11, 2010 at 11:11am
*HUGS* Melissa, I year ha... I think so many people get into this profession for reasons other than helping people (ie, making money), so they have absolutely no manners, no bedside manner... or are not people persons. It's sad... but I am so glad you found someone awesome who can help be supportive to you, and give you good, healthy goals to shoot for. :) It makes a heck of a difference.
Comment by LissaLynch on March 11, 2010 at 11:27am
I'm right there with you. I'm not sure when I last saw the endo... but I have recently reached out to a new one who seems to be a really, really nice man. I've asked his help in assembling a whole "care team" for me because frankly I have to get this *(&!^ diabetes under control. Good job! I'm hoping your experience will push me to do better too!!
Comment by Sarah on March 11, 2010 at 3:45pm
I went almost a year between endos... after running through a string of them and not only feeling absolutely horribly about my doctors, bit myself as well. I'm currently with one I really like, and it's because it finally feels like a partnership, more like we're working together and less like I'm being lectured every time I go in. Even if things aren't great, and if I completely DREAD an appointment (which isn't often, but it happens..), I know I will walk out feeling better, and not worse. That has truly been a huge motivating factor in continuing to go.
Comment by Na'Themba on March 11, 2010 at 5:44pm
I now have two endos I avoid: one for my thyroid, mostly, and one I was referred to for a pump. Thyroid guy changed my life, lifting me out of a decades-long depression by giving me one little pill I take every day. Pump guy is bored with me and doesn't think I need a pump. Thyroid guy is so busy these days that nothing is accomplished any more when I go in.

I had an internist who was amazing, but he retired a year and a half ago. My GP is golden. She's scary-brilliant, concerned, and knows how to talk to people. Her office staff could use psychiatric intervention.

I think I had a point when I started writing this. Maybe it's that you have to keep shopping. You're right: comfort level is everything when it comes to treatment. I'm glad you didn't give up.
Comment by Xanthasun on March 12, 2010 at 8:53am
I'm so happy the visit with the new endo went so well. I feel like a lot of doctors prejudge and aren't willing to help you when you want to change...and they never understand how much work it is... I switched endos last summer after leaving my last one in tears every time and dreading the next visit because it was like he just assumed I was and would be non-compliant" because I hadn't been to an endo for awhile and didn't bring a log book with me... So it's great that you want to do something for yourself and you've found an endo who will work with you
Comment by Library Lady on March 13, 2010 at 4:04am
Wow - Thanks for the supportive comments... Do you think endos EVER read these pages? It should be required for every med student with an interest in endocrinology to join tudiabetes and read and respond to a certain number of posts! (In addition to any doctor who will EVER deal with a diabetic - and, yes, that would be ALL of them - to take a small dose of insulin, under controlled circumstances, at least once... so they can know how a low really feels. I think that would end the lack of empathy for those of us who are willing to run a little high for fear of going low!)

Log book. Ugh. That is my toughest challenge. This endo made the point that if I get on the pump, with the right meter - they can just download all the info and I won't have to keep a log (for the most part)! :) Bless her! The last one I saw told me that if I couldnt' keep a log for three months consistently, I was demonstrating that I lacked the "maturity" to handle a pump. Nice one, hm? I do the checks, the shots, the carb counting - just writing it down on top of it all seems to be one step too many. If they only knew how exhausing it all can be. (Oh, and don't forget working full time, raising a child, and dealing with a "real life" on top of it all...) It's like they think all we DO and all we ARE is diabetes.

Oops - like you, Na'Themba, I seem to have started with a point! ;)

Love the new endo - love the support here! Thanks!

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