I put this on my blog tonight and I realized I wanted to share it with you.
I turn 60 tomorrow. How did that happen? My mother's probably asking herself the same question up in Connecticut. I'd say just putting one foot in front of the other every day. But the occasion does give me pause to think about what I've learned so far.
(By the way, this picture was two years ago me shooting up before my meal. My friend P. to my right looks a little startled, but then I'm a teacher and this was a teachable moment.)
It hasn't all been easy. I was a shy and quiet kid. People would tease me by saying I was talking too much. Today I speak to all kinds of groups, small and large and love it. No one who knew me then would imagine me now. But my deepest desire always was to help others believe in themselves. Today I do it around diabetes which I could have never predicted.
I couldn't ask to be in a better place on the eve of my sixtieth birthday. I am married to my true partner in life, in love and in work. My parents are still here. I have a treasure trove of dear friends, and acquaintances who bless me with their fellowship through diabetes. I love where I live, which was a lifelong riddle to solve. And I travel voraciously. To towns large and small across the States, as an A1C Champion, which I love and across the ocean. That's what you get for marrying a European. How lucky he, and his frequent flier miles, fit right in with my wish list. And growing up a listener serves me well in the work I do today, as a health coach, writing on The Huffington Post, writing books and speaking at conferences and as a peer-mentor.
Turning fifty was a hard one. It was the first time I realized there was more time behind me than in front of me. But even though that's even more the case now, I'm kinda tickled to be turning sixty. I think of all I've accomplished and where I'm so contentedly sitting in my life right now.
So tonight, looking back on six decades - true, I don't remember the first several years, alright let's be honest, the first decade - I realize maybe I've learned a few things worth passing on to my younger friends and colleagues.
5 Lessons I've Learned Along the Way
1. Don't measure your success against anyone else's. In my twenties I was jealous of how many people around me were clear about what they wanted to do, were on their path achieving so much. I felt I was floundering. Searching for what work I was meant to do, where, how. What cured me of that was when a friend I envied, got a tumor. Surprisingly, I nursed her through it. But I realized, you don't know what's on anyone's road ahead, including your own, good and bad. Just be on your road.
2. Look for the silver lining. I got type 1 diabetes at 18. I've had it 41 and a half years. I was misdiagnosed initially as a type 2; after all only kids get type 1. The first decade I had it there were no meters to test my blood and we knew so little about food, etc. But having been there, I'm so grateful I'm here. And I see what I've gained from having diabetes - a commitment to my health. I'm convinced I wouldn't eat as healthfully as I do, walk as I do or keep myself trim and fit if not for diabetes. And maybe I wouldn't have fulfilled my need to find purposeful work. Most days I truly look at what I have, not what I don't.
3. Be kind. If I do one thing passing this way in life I hope it's that I'm kind. It's selfish; I like making people feel seen, whether it's my waiter or the girl who checks out my groceries at the supermarket. At my first job in public broadcasting a colleague taught me this lesson unknowingly. I would watch her make the guy who parked her car feel equally important to the President of the company. She talked to them both with the same regard.
4. Savor the simple stuff. I think this is something that comes with age. When I'm cooking in the kitchen listening to Sade or Patti Austen, sipping a glass of wine, and my husband is working feet away in the living room (a tiny one bedroom city apartment) I am happy. These are the moments they tell you you will recall in the end. I believe they're right.
5. Pat yourself on the back more. I think women especially are enormously critical of themselves. We're not enough, we don't measure up, if we fail, why did we even think we could do it in the first place? If we succeed, we got lucky. Fuggedaboutit! You are a gem, maybe a diamond in the rough, but a gem. Cherish daily accomplishments, and your efforts. Whoever made us think we were supposed to be perfect at everything?
When I was 18 and diagnosed with diabetes, it was unreal. One pill a day and "don't eat candy" kept it unreal for years. As it sunk in, I mourned the complications I would inevitably get and the 15 year shorter lifespan I was told I'd have.
Hmmm, I haven't got any complications, and I no longer expect my life to be any shorter than anyone else's.
When I was 54 years old my good friend, Deborah O'Hara, died from cancer. She was only 59, and my first good friend to die. Funny, she came from a small town in upstate New York but we met in Asia. She lived in Hong Kong and I lived in Tokyo and our work made our paths cross.
We don't know what's on our path. But when my mother calls me tomorrow and says, "How can I have a 60 year old daughter?" we both know it all goes too fast. You'll know this as you see more grey hairs.
You may have to wait before these five lessons mean anything to you, I did. But, I just wanted to share. With that, I'm off to roast some cauliflower and broil the salmon. While listening to Josh Groban and sipping a nice bright white from Spain.