Alright... so I just feel like I have been going through a really tough time lately. With my friends and family I always like to keep everything light and happy which has been very tough lately, so I am just going to unload here in hopes it makes me feel better.

So, my boyfriend of 5 years and I just recently broke up, about 2 months ago now. I have been trying to date other guys but it is either I am having a tough time finding guys, I don't know what to do, or (no offense to all men) but the guys just ALL turn out to be lying jerks! Ugh, I forgot how difficult it was to find a good guy nowadays. Anyways, all of my friends are in long term relationships and most of them are getting engaged. I am so happy for them, but I just cannot help feeling like I am going to be like the spinster girl with no husband ever and all of my friends are married. I mean I already feel very alone, and with all of my friends getting married, buying houses, and having babies I just feel like I don't have a boyfriend and my friends are leaving me behind! When I do get to go out with my friends I just feel like they do not understand. When we go out we usually start drinking and lately I have even had some difficulty controlling that. I have been drinking way too much and a few times have hit this point where I just get really emotional. The other weekend I just completely embarrassed myself that way... then I end up crying, texting, talking, or calling people I am trying to cut out of my life.

Anyways, since school has gotten out I decided I would start working out which ended up being perfect timing because now all of these guys have been such big jerks and I have some extra motivation to just make myself look and feel better. I have been doing awesome keeping up with working out and tanning this past week and it has made me feel SO good about myself.
And here is where diabetes comes in..... I LOVE the control that working out and tanning and dieting gives me. I can control my weight and my appearance to this extent. However, since now I have been working out much harder and more consistently, even though I usually do not give insulin before I workout, my overall blood sugar rates have just gotten so much lower throughout the day. I have decreased doses and stuff, but it gets so FRUSTRATING when I am controlling my diet and exercise to lose weight, and now I am at a standstill because I keep going low and having to eat more. I just miss working out whenever I wanted to and now worrying about eating first and after if necessary. My meals are usually around 30 carbs and even without giving insulin I just tend do go low. Any tips?

Alright and the last frustration.....
My mom just got her stomach stapled. My mom has been overweight for years and she really wanted this. She is in the hospital and got out of surgery today, she has to spend 2 nights in the hospital recovering. I get upset because she expects me to visit her, and I feel like I should be able to if I want to (and I was planning on it an all), but I get a little angry because she expects this of me and when I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with T1 diabetes she did not come out to see me at all. I was 22, but I was scared and it was not by choice that I was there. I feel like this surgery is her choice and she gets to benefit from it, so I am annoyed she expects this of me when she was not there for me.

I went there today and got frustrated because no one knew where she was in this huge hospital and no one could tell me where to go so I ended up leaving, and plan on going tomorrow with my brother. I ended up falling asleep after work and did not have too much time to waste wandering around the hospital. My dad got mad because I said I needed to go to kickboxing today, and he was annoyed because he thinks my mom should be the priority. But once again, working out is the one thing that makes me feel awesome and that I feel like I can control. So taking that away from me so I can wander around a hospital getting upset and frustrated because no one knows whats going on just did not seem like something I wanted to do. Especially when my mother did not come to see me when I was in the hospital.

Alright, just needed to get all that off my chest. Now off to kickboxing to work some of the stress off :)

Views: 38

Comment by Frances on June 30, 2011 at 4:31pm
I hear some things in your post that make me worry about you: the idea that dieting and exercise and tanning confers control and is the only thing that makes you feel good, which sounds like the beginning of an eating and exercise disorder (never mind that tanning gives you skin cancer); the idea that you can't have a real conversation with your friends or family; the drinking that you feel embarrassed about. This is just a message board and there are many kind people here, but it's in no way the same as having a support network. Do you have a therapist or someone you can contact IRL?


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