its 01:14 where i am in the world now and i cant sleep. all thats going through my head is that my parents keep making all the decisions involving my diabetes and they way i see it its my life its my body! they have no right! it all started when they signed me up for this programme our local hospital is running for young aduls with diabetes. the programme involves teaching us to carb count and manage our doses. ive been in full control of my diabetes care since i was nine because i told my parents that i could do it and i could. ive been diabetic all my life ive never known a life without it! i was managing fine and my numbers were getting better but then they started controlling it all again telling me that his was how they wanted me to do it but i dont want to do it their way my way is working better than theirs ever did! the first big decision in my diabetes life that i made was to go off the pump. im a teenager an the last thing i want is a little machine hooked on me controlling my life but one of the main reasons i went off the pump was the logbook! i didnt want to write everything that passed my lips into a book for god sake! i didnt want to have to write all this in a book and then hand it to a stranger doctor to let them snoop through it and tell i wasnt good enough over and over and over again! i didnt want them to snoop through it and tell me well this isnt right and this isnt right and this is wrong! i was sick of all these strangers controlling my life! i wanted to have the freedom to have a sneak bar of chocolate every once in a while without haveing them check my pump and say what was this bolus fr and that bolus for! i just needed to say all this because it was really hurting me and wasnt sure what i was gonna do next bt for anyone who reached the very bottom of my ongest blog ever i solute you!!