Is that me looking back in the mirror

Just managed a wash and shave face has been very sore for a while like razor burn tried lots of moisturiser and even stuff they use for babys nappy rash well you do in an emergency,I happened to stop for a minute whilst I was shaving and saw a bloke looking back at me he looked old and hagered was that really me have i let myself get to this stage without even noticing it.

I suppose when you are virtually housebound your perception of yourself takes a back seat when I was working some 10 years ago I was full of get up and go took pride in how I looked and how I wanted other people to see me, I have really let myself go to the extent that the bloke looking back at me looks more like my 80 year old dad than me at a mere 62.

I imagine there is a younger bloke inside me trying to get out but even trying to get up the stairs quickly reminds me I am no loger a spring chicken more like a broiler bird, I have all day tomyself while the wife works I potter about doing the best I can to hoover otr tidy up,I often look at he wife we have been married for 43 years and think she must really feel let down.

We started life like two rabbits having 5 children in as many years we struggled daily to bring them up with little or no help from the family how sad that is familys are supposed to look after one another but it didn't happen,I saw m beautiful wife get older long before her time looking after 5 kids well 6 with me, but she never moaned always put the kids first and did a great job.

I have decided no matter how I do it I am going to turn the clock back eat properly like a diabetic should too late to do anything about my heart 60 fags a day ensures there is no turning back there but I can have a better quality of life than I have I am sure of it.

I feel a bit like St Paul on the road to damascas when God spoke to him and asked him why he persicutes this people

I have not had a religious experience but suddenly I feel I can do something for myself and by doing that I can see the person deep inside of me screaming to be let out.