its been a while since I have been on here, between nursing school and working at disney and the full time job of taking care of my diabetes i can hardly find the time to talk with my friends and family much less blog about how I feel, haha! I have just been really struggling lately with it. I just wish it was possible to take a "vacation" from it just for a week or two ya know? But that's not really possible unless you feel like dealing with the consequences which can take a week or two to recover from after just a day of not dealing with it, so in the end its not really worth it. I almost wish that I had another chronic illness, at least with cancer you get your treatment your really sick for that period of time, but then you get a break and you can forget you have the illness for at least a period of time. And I am not saying that they're aren't way worse things to have, but I just want a break however short it wouldn't matter. Can you even imagine a whole day of no diabetes with no consequences to go along with it? Just a get out of jail free card to do whatever, eat whatever, go wherever, no worry about when where how much or how long just to be really be you? I think that would be absolutely amazing and actually don't even know what I would do with myself. I spend so much time trying to make my blood sugars "perfect", a task that is near impossible! I mean you are asking someone to pretty much take on the task of organ that functions on it own in other people plus deal with the day to day livings of being a person in this world. But at the end of the day I guess I just have to take a deep breath and say I can do this and tomorrow is another day that God has given me to prove I am strong enough to handle it. I have always been told God doesnt give us anything we can't handle, and what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I really want to believe it, that would mean I am and everyone else out there dealing with this disease is incredibly strong and brave for NOT letting the diabetes win, not just giving up or throwing in the towel, but standing tall and saying I can and I will beat this! Sorry I know there is a lot of different thought thrown into this blog, but I just needed to get some of it out and its hard for my friends to relate since all of them are pretty much perfect and my family tries but its not the same. So if you are reading this feel free to comment or write back! I'd love to hear and know I am not the only one feeling this way. xoxoxox bye for now!