Wow, it is hard for me to believe that I have been living with Type 1 Diabetes for 6 months now. It still seems like just yesterday that I was diagnosed and being administered shots by my mom, who is a nurse, because I was petrified to go near the needle. It has been such an intense roller coaster, but I finally feel like I have accepted it.

There was a period of time, where I went through extreme grieving and sadness. Waking up in the middle of the night and every morning, with the first thing coming to my mind, being that I HAVE DIABETES. I was so scared for myself, petrified that I was climbing too deep into a dark hole of despair. I was suicidal, not leaving my house, some days just staying in bed crying. My diagnoses coincided with the end of an incredible 4 month trip around Europe. I was sailing on such a high cloud when I got home, and then crashed. I had a disease, no money, no job and was living at my moms house. I felt depleted.

As I began to learn more about the disease and to meet more people within the community who were also learning to live with it, my hope was raised a little. I began going to therapy, and participating in a 4 year long study, which will assist me in getting my medication and supplies.

I suffered a lot (and still do) from the weight gain as a result of insulin therapy and blood sugar stabilization. As someone who has always had body image and depression issues, this has been one of the biggest struggles for me. I am having a hard time feeling safe and comfortable in my own skin, but am literally just taking it one day at a time. What else can I do? Every time I give myself a shot of insulin, a myriad of thoughts pop into my head, a little angel and devil opposing each other. But, I just do it. For now at least, I know that I want to live long, and be a healthy 90 year old who is climbing mountains still. I want to have my own babies someday, and bring them into a world with a healthy and happy mama.

I absolutely have my days of disappointment, anger, days when I throw my hands up in the air and pretend I don't have diabetes for a few hours. I am okay with this. I don't need to be a perfect diabetic, just the best one that I am capable of being. My diet is stellar, I exercise daily, I take Sam-e supplements which aid in lifting my mood, I am in therapy, I am on top of my insulin therapy. When I was diagnosed, my blood sugar was greater than 14. In just 3 months, I had brought it down to half that-7.7. Now, I need to give myself a pat on the back.

I am owning this disease. Before, I didn't want everyone to know what I was experiencing. I finally got myself a medical ID tag, and happily and openly tell people exactly why I am weighing that half an apple on my digital scale, or why I have to tun down the freshly baked chocolate chip cookie this time. Even though I do feel frustrated when people begin to tell me about my own disease, or start talking about their grandpa who had type 2 diabetes, I know they mean it with kindness and support. I take it as an opportunity to teach them something new, and share my experience with them.

Well, I am doing this good 6 months in, so I have high hopes for the future-may it be long and filled with adventure and goodness, diabetes and all.

Views: 13

Comment by karebear1966 on May 22, 2011 at 3:31pm
Happy 6 month anniversary!
I know that sounds as rediculous as those commercials that say "have a happy period.. Always!"
But i do finally understand, its all about how we CHOOSE to deal with things, and I can see you are doing your best to be positive. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! I mean that, sincerely!
I hope you do something nice for yourself as a private little celebration that you have kicked it's ass for the past 6 months! YAY you!
Comment by Ant97gtr on May 22, 2011 at 6:41pm
Hi there Frankie *waves*

Wow what a difference a few months can make! A few months ago I read your first blog and how upset and depressed you were at the time. It was great to read that you have a far more positive outlook and are doing well to own the big D :-)

Well done on the results and I will look forward to reading more of your blogs in the future...
Take care, Ant.


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