Wow, it is hard for me to believe that I have been living with Type 1 Diabetes for 6 months now. It still seems like just yesterday that I was diagnosed and being administered shots by my mom, who is a nurse, because I was petrified to go near the needle. It has been such an intense roller coaster, but I finally feel like I have accepted it.

There was a period of time, where I went through extreme grieving and sadness. Waking up in the middle of the night and every morning, with the first thing coming to my mind, being that I HAVE DIABETES. I was so scared for myself, petrified that I was climbing too deep into a dark hole of despair. I was suicidal, not leaving my house, some days just staying in bed crying. My diagnoses coincided with the end of an incredible 4 month trip around Europe. I was sailing on such a high cloud when I got home, and then crashed. I had a disease, no money, no job and was living at my moms house. I felt depleted.

As I began to learn more about the disease and to meet more people within the community who were also learning to live with it, my hope was raised a little. I began going to therapy, and participating in a 4 year long study, which will assist me in getting my medication and supplies.

I suffered a lot (and still do) from the weight gain as a result of insulin therapy and blood sugar stabilization. As someone who has always had body image and depression issues, this has been one of the biggest struggles for me. I am having a hard time feeling safe and comfortable in my own skin, but am literally just taking it one day at a time. What else can I do? Every time I give myself a shot of insulin, a myriad of thoughts pop into my head, a little angel and devil opposing each other. But, I just do it. For now at least, I know that I want to live long, and be a healthy 90 year old who is climbing mountains still. I want to have my own babies someday, and bring them into a world with a healthy and happy mama.

I absolutely have my days of disappointment, anger, days when I throw my hands up in the air and pretend I don't have diabetes for a few hours. I am okay with this. I don't need to be a perfect diabetic, just the best one that I am capable of being. My diet is stellar, I exercise daily, I take Sam-e supplements which aid in lifting my mood, I am in therapy, I am on top of my insulin therapy. When I was diagnosed, my blood sugar was greater than 14. In just 3 months, I had brought it down to half that-7.7. Now, I need to give myself a pat on the back.

I am owning this disease. Before, I didn't want everyone to know what I was experiencing. I finally got myself a medical ID tag, and happily and openly tell people exactly why I am weighing that half an apple on my digital scale, or why I have to tun down the freshly baked chocolate chip cookie this time. Even though I do feel frustrated when people begin to tell me about my own disease, or start talking about their grandpa who had type 2 diabetes, I know they mean it with kindness and support. I take it as an opportunity to teach them something new, and share my experience with them.

Well, I am doing this good 6 months in, so I have high hopes for the future-may it be long and filled with adventure and goodness, diabetes and all.

Views: 10

Comment by karebear1966 on May 22, 2011 at 3:31pm
Happy 6 month anniversary!
I know that sounds as rediculous as those commercials that say "have a happy period.. Always!"
But i do finally understand, its all about how we CHOOSE to deal with things, and I can see you are doing your best to be positive. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! I mean that, sincerely!
I hope you do something nice for yourself as a private little celebration that you have kicked it's ass for the past 6 months! YAY you!
xoxoxoxoxox
Comment by Ant97gtr on May 22, 2011 at 6:41pm
Hi there Frankie *waves*

Wow what a difference a few months can make! A few months ago I read your first blog and how upset and depressed you were at the time. It was great to read that you have a far more positive outlook and are doing well to own the big D :-)

Well done on the results and I will look forward to reading more of your blogs in the future...
Take care, Ant.

Comment

You need to be a member of Diabetes community by Diabetes Hands Foundation: TuDiabetes to add comments!

Join Diabetes community by Diabetes Hands Foundation: TuDiabetes

Advertisement



REsources

From the Diabetes Hands Foundation blog...

#MedicareCoverCGM Panel Discussion

If you follow the diabetes online community, you know that #MedicareCoverCGM is a big deal. We have continued to raise awareness on #MedicareCoverCGM because we believe that ALL people living with diabetes should have access to continuous glucose monitors (CGM). With Read on! →

#WalkWithD: Making MORE Sense of Diabetes

  A few years ago, we at Diabetes Hands Foundation reached out to the members on TuDiabetes and asked them to share their perspective of life with diabetes through one of the five senses, as part of an initiative called Read on! →

Diabetes Hands Foundation Team

DHF TEAM

Manny Hernandez
(Co-Founder, Editor, has LADA)

Emily Coles
(Head of Communities, has type 1)

Mila Ferrer
(EsTuDiabetes Community Manager, mother of a child with type 1)

Mike Lawson
(Head of Experience, has type 1)

Corinna Cornejo
(Development Manager, has type 2)

Desiree Johnson  (Administrative and Programs Assistant, has type 1)


DHF VOLUNTEERS


Lead Administrator

Bradford (has type 1)


Administrators

Lorraine (mother of type 1)
Marie B (has type 1)

Brian (bsc) (has type 2)

Gary (has type 2)

David (dns) (type 2)

 

LIKE us on Facebook

Spread the word

Loading…

This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information: verify here.

© 2014   A community of people touched by diabetes, run by the Diabetes Hands Foundation.

Badges  |  Contact Us  |  Terms of Service