Comment by Doris D on October 23, 2010 at 2:26pm

Hey Lot's your NOT alone in this! I take just about all the meds you listed there along with zanix(?) (for the really hardtimes) Honey I know the fight your talking about. Yes sometimes it gets to be too much though. What I have done in times like that is at first I looked to my parent's then I looked to my children (I know you've got a son who just graduated from school and I'll bet money you also have that "empty nest syndrome" I felt a few years back.) now it's my g-children. When my kids first moved out? My husband. Look around you and you will find a reasom to fight. I know just how hard it is but I also know that finding ANY RESON to fight is worth it. At one time during my worste time it was TuD. I thought maybe I could give some advice to these teens who have it and want to grow up to see their lives. Hey honey if all fails use TuD!!

Comment by Brunetta on October 24, 2010 at 4:59am

I have had bipolar disorder and wason Depakote, Lotsof shots..U are not alone.. U have been there for others and will continue to be there, for them You are worth all the care that you give to others and all the care you can give yourslf. You are not alone sweetie!! HE made you and GOD Does not make junk!!! I am putting you in my prayers for peace and serenity. YOU are worth the best that life has to offer. Is diabetes and depression hard to manage.. Yes it is..But do you have to carry this burden alone: not at all!!

God bless,
Brunetta

God Bless,
Brunetta

Comment by lotsofshots on October 24, 2010 at 8:06am

Thanks Doris and Brunetta for always being there. I am feeling better already!

Comment by Doris D on October 24, 2010 at 8:50am

See what friends can do! LOL! Your NOT alone in this fight ALWAYS remember that. Who knows one day I might turn to you now that I know you, Brunetta, and I all have the same problem! SOOOOO GLAD to hear your feeling better today!

Comment by Lisa on October 24, 2010 at 10:31am

Diabetes is a tough one by itself and add any kind of depression and it's doublely hard. It's an invisable disease with very visable consequences sometimes. I have depression myself, as do most people at one time in their life. It's much more common than anyone wants to admit. Mine is chronic as is yours. No you are not alone and certainly having support is great, although (in my oppinion spritual support is essential). I try to give it to the Lord and remember that He had a plan. I've said a prayer for you.

Comment by lotsofshots on October 24, 2010 at 12:16pm

Thank you so much for your prayers. I just have a hard time with the vicious circle of the disorder because it is so cyclical. I will be feeling just fine and taking great care of my diabetes and then wham it just hits me and I have to force myself to do everything. The hardest thing is when my blood sugars roller coaster and just add to the whole mess. It helps to know that people care here about all the different things that people go through and that we can talk about them. Talking to someone who cares and understands really helps. I mainly keep things to myself in the real world as much as possible, but that makes me feel very alone at times.

Comment by bikette on October 24, 2010 at 11:01pm

Thank Heavens for Modafinil! I do hope you got outside today - buried a few skeletons out there for Hallowe'en, and to keep the neighbours wondering. But if you didn't get out today, don't be too hard on yourself... there's always tomorrow. Maybe you can get back in the groove there... maybe take a walk on your lunch break.... maybe with a work-mate? I find when I totally obliterate a perfectly good day, it is better if I let myself start another one fresh without badgering myself about the missed day. Monday is another day, another week.... forget about that 'lost weekend' and start a shiny new week with a blank slate.
Also, I'm pretty sure if you kill time, you are not really harming eternity. Whew!

Comment by lotsofshots on October 25, 2010 at 7:44am

bikette, you can make anyone feel better!

Comment by KimKat on October 25, 2010 at 3:41pm

Aw. please hang in there. I don't have bipolar or take any of those meds but I do have a bachelors in psych and I am very interested in these sorts of diseases. I want to go back to school to do my master in counseling.

Unlike most people in the world, I think it is very unfortunate how the world makes us feel bad about ourselves if we are "shiny, happy people" every second of the day. It is ridiculous. If we were not meant to be unhappy sometimes, our bodies would not have the ability to feel so. I think it is a natural emotion. I agree when it is a chemical imbalance like bipolar it can be even harder. You feel even more guilty for there being something "wrong" with you and everyone else lives must be perfect. Don't feel bad about this - believe me, they are not! I find that to realize that my life could definately be worse and that I am doing pretty good compared to others - well, it makes me feel better (maybe that sounds backwards but it works). When I think of places like in Haiiti, right now - they are just barely even surviving - my life and even all its problems look like nothing.

Don't let society make you feel bad about having problems - no matter what they are. I fall into that trap too. Today I feel pretty good but the past month - I have been a big crabola and depressed. Normally, I like this time of year - so I don't know what happened with me the past month. But so I waste a few days, who cares? (I have wasted tons of them already - I got enough guilt about that) There are lots more to come where I will feel better and maybe even happy. No one is keeping score - it is only me.

Most of my depression comes from not being able to find a job, having no money or health insurance and dealing with the everyday stress of that scrabbling around plus dealing with my D. Actually the D is the worst of my worries right now! I feel like I have no choice but to just keep trying and wait it out until things get better because I have no control which I hate. . Feels like I am holding my breathe sometimes too.

I tend to escape into movies or music that are my favorite. Not that make me feel better always but it drones the time away until I do feel better. To tune out the rest of the world, works best for me.

My favorite quotes "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." (from Anne of Green Gables)

"There is always tomorrow for dreams to come true" (from Rudolph :) )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUgMaL89Lqc

Comment by lotsofshots on October 26, 2010 at 4:27pm

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have a BA in psychology too and ironically I work in a mental health facility. I work with clients who are really much worse off than I am because at least I am a "functional" person with a mental disorder, whatever that means! I know what you mean about the people in Haiti, that is just awful, and you are right things could be much worse. Bipolar disorder is so weird in that it just cycles and there is nothing you can do about it but wait it out. I ended up taking a day off work and today I went to work feeling much more like myself. It is very disconcerting when I get the mood swings though because I don't know how long they are going to last, usually it is depression that I have to deal with, thank goodness, and not mania, thanks to the medications, that part has been taken care of. I just have this terrible habit of letting my diabetes go down the tubes when I am depressed, but this time, I was okay. I think it was because of all the wonderful support that I received thanks to everyone here. It feels so good not to be alone! It is also nice to have people understand that serious mental disorders are manageable and though difficult, people can lead relatively normal lives.

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