more blood test way, not again! (beware, long rant ahead)...sometimes even good control is not so good...

A1C is 6.5, damnit it went up again! Im p***ed! Up from 6.4... I guess it is pretty good considering at one pont in my life I scored a 13.5.
Did I care then? Honestly, not really. Then the BIG D started catching up with me. So I almost forced myself to have to take care of myself, backing myself into a big ugly wall, and now that I am on the pump, I can finally control this cursed disease a bit better. It truly is a curse, there is no better way I can describe it, and in doing so I can actually deal with it a little better. Embrace our differences! Some of us are attached to tubes or shoot up in bathrooms, and some of us are fat (just kidding!) Well, sort of... (at least hiding the BIG D is easier then ever...)

Anyways, much thanks to the researchers who have developed the Animas Ping system, the remote control is Totally Awesome! Truly, I will never be judgemental of someone else who has difficulty managing this disease; after all, we all must eat to live. Unfortunately in our society we have lived for a few too many generations living to eat, and we are paying the price in many ways. I try to eat locally produced organic food that is in season as much as possible, (lucky for me I live in an agricultural state,) and I dont worry so much about numbers. Its just a number after all! I try to get it close to normal but can't be bothered to fuss about it more than I already do... at least Seven fingersticks a day is certainly enough.

And CGMS? Goodness I would hate to be reminded more often of my glucose levels. I hope that it helps people but I recall my Pump educator arrived to show me the pump. and her assistant had CGMS, and it didnt seem to make much difference as his BG was 350 after lunch. I dont feel any desire to be that much of a Cyborg, at least yet. I am hoping to save that eventuality to when my kidneys fail, if I am so lucky... ( if anyone reads this I hope you can understand my sense of humour)
Honestly CGMS seems like more of a hassle than its really worth, and I cannot help but wonder about the profitability of this disease. Certainly CGMS does not represent in any way that I can see research towards finding a cure, but rather an expensive and questionable treatment method. It is easy for me to say this as I have 6 months of good pumping. But remember I also have 25 years of injections and fingersticks, from beef and pork insulins to all manner of bioenginered analogs. Alot of those treatment methods have been difficult. Given that, I am sure my opinions could change. But dont get me wrong, I hope those of you that need CGMS are helped by it if you do in fact need it, although I am skeptical.

(on a side note one day i tested at 185. i felt fine. i tested again. 145...hmmm, sure glad i didnt OVERCORRECT!)

I have noticed there is one thing that really sux about good control: Increased Hypoglycemic awareness. During hypoglycemic episodes, I am more noticeably irritable than ever before, have white outs in my vision, and have stinging sensations in my feet due to mild neuropathy. Because of this I do not spend as much time online as I used to, because this world wide soapbox is certainly a great annoyance at times, and I am attempting to minimize my irritability. I wonder how much bad behaviour is actually a result of peoples moods being affected by mild hypos, be they diabetic or not. Certainly the prevalance of Corn Syrup and Sugar in our food supply is not helping this situation, in both an immediate and long term sense.

In any event, increased sensation of mild neuropathy and white outs and being a total arsehole in moments of Hypoglycemia seems like a good compromise to the supposed Complications that may eventually arise, doesnt it? Of course it does. I recall a fellow diabetics story of crashing and totaling her car while having "another one of those lows" I was aghast, as she adamantly insisted her control is fine and doesnt need to test her BG...What if she had killed somone?

Still, strangely enough, at times I miss the feeling of being "comfortably numb," which I associate with poor control and high blood glucose,and the manic and wild moods and almost temporary insanity of extreme swings in blood sugar... I guess I am a sick person ! For Real! But then again, aren't we all?
Be well.....

Views: 20

Comment by Kathy on June 13, 2009 at 10:33am
Oh man. It's so easy to overinvest in the numbers. I do it all the time myself. Going up one tenth of a percent probably means nothing. Going up an entire point might mean something. I know we each have our own goals, but I'd be just delighted with a 6.4
Comment by Kathy on June 13, 2009 at 10:37am
I just hate to see such a bright young person struggling with ths monster and all of the mental/emotional strife it can bring. I have had db for 35 years and walked around like a zombie for a couple of decades - paralyzed by fear of complications.
I think you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself. None of us know where the chips are going to fall when it's all over. Stay the course and I think you will be rewarded.
Comment by Domo! on June 14, 2009 at 12:01pm
that was fun to read. i agree sometimes it's easier to be "comfortably numb." instead of having to deal with a low that throws your whole day off


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