Thanks for checking up on me. Ironically, since my last blog, one of my sisters has come forward and is getting tested. She knows nothing about the blog I posted, or about how I was feeling.
The doctors have found out she is "a match", but that is just the first step. She still has to go through a ton of tests to see if our anti-bodies are compatible, etc.... So... so far, so good, but it's going to take some time. It doesn't help that I worry all the time - about her, and her potential sacrifice. About the health risks. About the surgery itself. And there is also the possibility that she may have a health issue that will prevent her from being able to give me her kidney. I'm glad she came forward though, as I was feeling really uncomfortable approaching any of my family for fear of rejection. I was also hoping one of my sisters would make up their own minds to get tested, so it would be less stressful for me. A friend of mine got tested a few months ago and I got my hopes up, and then we found out she wasn't a match so I went back into a depression. It's an emotional roller coaster and that's why I'm documenting my experience.
I don't think you can go into something like this without fear and anxiety though. I'm incredibly grateful that my sister is even getting tested and I feel much more loved by her than I did a few months ago. I'm also trying to focus on improving my mental and physical health, but it's difficult because there are pains affiliated with this condition. It's a life-altering, eye-opening experience that I hope nobody has to go through. I just thank God that I haven't had to go on dialysis, as the concept of going on dialysis scares me beyond belief. I already poke myself with needles four times a day, I definitely don't want to be hooked up to dialysis 5 times a week. Life with type 1 diabetes is difficult, but adding chronic kidney failure to the recipe is horrendous. My main physical problem is that I'm not on dialysis and my kidney is functioning at 12%. The doctors don't want to put me on dialysis if my sister is a match because it's healthier going into a transplant if you haven't been on dialysis. But for me, that equates to living with toxins inside my body 24/7. But, I'm handling it the best I can and that's all I can do. I'm scared, but hopeful.