Nagging Cousins and Australian Rock Stars

The Australian Christian rock band Jael is staying with my cousins. They had a concert at my school Friday night, so I ended up spending the day with them and my cousins Kristopher, Krista, and Kody. My blood sugar was constantly up and down. First too high, then too low. Of course Krista told mom she'd keep an eye on me. The reason I wasn't at home was because it was mom and dad's anniversary and they'd wanted the house to themselves. So the entire day Krista would nag me about checking my sugar, then leave. Bee Jae, Jael's lead singer/bassist, would stay with me after Krista left. She'd talk to me, or put her arm around me and ask if I felt ok. That night at Krista's house after the concert, Krista told me to check my sugar again. Apparently I have a streak of defiance in me, because I told her I didn't want to. We went back and forth as I edged towards Bee Jae. Then Peezie, Jael's drummer, walked in. "I'll get Peezie to make you do it." Krista threatened. By then I had pressed against Bee Jae, who was avoiding telling me to do something I didn't want to by pretending to not pay attention. I felt Peezie's hand put pressure on the back of my neck in an attempt to scare me into checking. I know he didn't mean it, but I still shuddered and pushed harder into Bee Jae. "Come on, Brandi..." Peezie pleaded. "Bee Jae isn't going to give you any sympathy. She'll make you do it too." Krista said. She was wrong, though. If Bee Jae wanted to tell me to check my sugar, she would have done it by then. "I'll check it before we eat." I said and left before Krista had the chance to object.

I know I shouldn't have refused to check my sugar, but Krista had been nagging and nagging all day long and I was sick of it. She's my cousin. She should have been the one taking care of me instead of Bee Jae. If she'd done that, maybe I'd have listened. But because it was Bee Jae that had spent the day taking care of me, I respected her more. If it were Bee Jae that ordered me to go check, I'd have listened to her.

After eating, I fell asleep curled up laying over on Bee Jae. She woke me up when Chad, my older brother, told her we had to go. It was 1:30 am and I didn't want to get up, so Chad threatened to leave me there. Krista shot him a look that said "don't leave her here! I don't want her!!!" Everyone but Bee Jae and her boyfriend laughed. I buried my face in Bee Jae's shoulder. When I got up, I heard Bee Jae say "Chad, keep her warm." I hugged her and left without saying goodbye to anyone else.

So what about next time Krista has to take care of me? Jael lives in Florida now, so if I want to see Bee Jae when she comes, I have to see Krista too. How do I tell her that I need her to be like Bee Jae and actually stay with me? It seems like the more Krista nagged, the more rebellious I wanted to be...

b

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Comment by The Diabetic Welfare Queen on November 15, 2010 at 7:40am
Many times, I tend to assume that my husband/family/friends should know what I need. That it is "simple, stupid," so why don't you get that I need A B C, and X Y Z? But what I fail to register is that... not everyone is good at assessing other people's needs from just one look. To complicate matters even more, not everyone knows what to do when it comes to helping people at all who have a disability, or a chronic health condition, without coming off as patronizing, controlling clueless nincompoops. Not all of us are exactly people persons, either. lol

I suspect Krista doesn't have a CLUE as to what you would like from her when it comes to taking care of you. :) That if someone tells her to "watch" over you, it means that she must "babysit" your food intake, or your testing, or your insulin dosing... People really DO mean well. They just need some guidance and direction.

I think that... the best way to get things across to her is to do a few things:

1. First, stroke her ego a little bit. Apologize for acting out with her, or for being mean to her in any way, because you got flustered and frustrated, and you didn't mean it. I'm sure you probably love your cousin, and you truly didn't want to get mad at her. It's contrary to want to apologize to anyone who seems like a big jerk, but trust me, if you want her to be receptive in any way to what you have to say... you have to make some peace.
2. Figure out ways in which you really DO need help. Do you forget to have an afternoon snack? Do you forget to pack all the things you need for your Diabetes? Do you need help with keeping certain things good to go for your dog? Figure out ways in which you really DO need help...
3. Let her know, in a kind way. "You know, since I've done this disease all my life, I'm really good at remembering when to test... but you know what could be helpful? Your reminding me to bring all my supplies I need with me." Something like that... you get the idea.

Sometimes, these people don't want to be evil nags... They just want to have a purpose, and actually do take care of you. Sometimes, they're also unrelenting when they ask us to test because... well... we can get a little difficult when we're low, too. :/ So you may want to make an exception in her asking you to test for when you're acting extremely out of character, or wonky, since you are hypo unaware.

When we give them the proper tools, the Diabetes Police can actually help us... instead of just merely annoy us. lol :) Hope this helps, even just a little bit.
Comment by brandi on November 16, 2010 at 1:58pm
Hey Welfare Queen!

Yeah I do get pretty frustrated when "normal people" dont understand what I need.
I had guessed Krista meant well, but I think I needed to be told by someone else in order to believe it...

I'll try talking to her next time I see her :)

Haha, I never thought I'd be related to the Diabetes Police...

Thanks for the help!!!
b

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