....oh and try to relax
That was the parting shot from my fertility nurse, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
I thought that would be the last thing a fertility nurse would say LoL.
I'm getting ahead of myself here, soooo I did my shot of HCG on the Thursday, (and I believe the euphemism is we covered all bases *nudge nudge wink wink... ) Back to the jab, I felt very odd and emotional, I had the most bizarre metallic taste in mouth too and my insulin requirements went up almost immediately. Was it stress, was it the jab?... who knows.
I have to say I did POAS just to see a positive come up, it was very surreal and I felt a little peak of excitement that this was the first shot at having our family, though I had been warned that it was highly unlikely that it would be successful.
I was keeping an eye on my sugars because of the possibility, I never really believed it might be, but after about 8 days I got quite sensitive to smells, my insulin seemed not to be working so well and I felt nauseous every time my BG dipped below 4.5mmol... could it be, Nooooo surely not? I ummed and arrrrghed and POAS, you know, just incase, on the off chance, not expecting anything at all, and very quickly a pale but definite line came up... I felt sick and shocked. I must be imagining it, I thought my heart might burst, I didn't say anything to anyone... next day another test (gotta love that popular international auction site) again a slightly darker line, so it wasn't the trigger shot still lurking... I phoned my OH in tears and then my teams (diabetic and infertility) as I want everyone up to date and on the case. I nailed my BGs only 2 readings over 8mmol in two weeks, I actually lost a bit of weight too with the extra healthy eating and (lack of quantity (due to nausea), sadly baby didn't make it.
As Heartbreaking and Gutting as this 'chemical pregnancy' was, that littlest one has given me a hope that I'd long abandoned, it was difficult to get right back on the drug train, as is necessary with clomid but I did it. To my dismay this month things are back to seeming as futile as they were before :0/
Multiple scans and checks for any hint of a follicle, but no discernable growth or development, my nurse is at a loss and My specialist is on annual leave, so currently I'm in that interminable place called limbo waiting to see what the next plan is...
I thought that would be the last thing a fertility nurse would say LoL.
I'm getting ahead of myself here, soooo I did my shot of HCG on the Thursday, (and I believe the euphemism is we covered all bases *nudge nudge wink wink... ) Back to the jab, I felt very odd and emotional, I had the most bizarre metallic taste in mouth too and my insulin requirements went up almost immediately. Was it stress, was it the jab?... who knows.
I have to say I did POAS just to see a positive come up, it was very surreal and I felt a little peak of excitement that this was the first shot at having our family, though I had been warned that it was highly unlikely that it would be successful.
I was keeping an eye on my sugars because of the possibility, I never really believed it might be, but after about 8 days I got quite sensitive to smells, my insulin seemed not to be working so well and I felt nauseous every time my BG dipped below 4.5mmol... could it be, Nooooo surely not? I ummed and arrrrghed and POAS, you know, just incase, on the off chance, not expecting anything at all, and very quickly a pale but definite line came up... I felt sick and shocked. I must be imagining it, I thought my heart might burst, I didn't say anything to anyone... next day another test (gotta love that popular international auction site) again a slightly darker line, so it wasn't the trigger shot still lurking... I phoned my OH in tears and then my teams (diabetic and infertility) as I want everyone up to date and on the case. I nailed my BGs only 2 readings over 8mmol in two weeks, I actually lost a bit of weight too with the extra healthy eating and (lack of quantity (due to nausea), sadly baby didn't make it.
As Heartbreaking and Gutting as this 'chemical pregnancy' was, that littlest one has given me a hope that I'd long abandoned, it was difficult to get right back on the drug train, as is necessary with clomid but I did it. To my dismay this month things are back to seeming as futile as they were before :0/
Multiple scans and checks for any hint of a follicle, but no discernable growth or development, my nurse is at a loss and My specialist is on annual leave, so currently I'm in that interminable place called limbo waiting to see what the next plan is...
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Comment by Sweet Fur on July 24, 2010 at 10:48am -
I have no advice but did want to say thank you for sharing. I'm sorry this is so uncontrollable and I hope you have your dreams fulfilled soon!
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Comment by Lou on July 24, 2010 at 1:00pm -
Thanks Sweet fur , the reason I write it down is partly for others who might be in a similar situation and be looking for information, plus it's also quite cathartic for me. Off loading the maelstrom of thoughts, feelings and frustration gets it out of my head
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Comment by Super_sally on July 30, 2010 at 1:06am -
Hi Lou,
Isn't this TTC thing so difficult and stressful and turns us obsessive compulsive about all things to do with trying to get pregnant!
Though it's sad the little one didn't make it, at least there is hope that things can happen.
I too had something like that last month, but it didn't make it.
I am trying again in August and it will be with femara (instead of clomid, after 3 months of clomid) and HCG shot.
Hang in there. There are plenty of other options from Clomid. I think next in line will be femara and if that doesn't work then they move to injectables.....
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Comment by Naomi on August 8, 2010 at 10:35am -
Hi Lou, I can only imagine how difficult things are for you at the minute. The whole ttc thing is so stressful and exhausting. As you have probably seen from my post, I was one of the lucky ones. I am now almost 13 weeks pregnant after our 1st IVF cycle. It really is so unfair that there are no guarantees that it will work everytime. I hope that things work out for you soon. Every month you are getting ever closer to being a mother all the time. I think thats what kept me going through 2 and a half years of ttc!
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Comment by Lou on August 8, 2010 at 12:38pm
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thanks girls x
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