Okay so I'm new to this website but i've been looking around and reading some of your blogs and i'm excited to know that i've learned new things already and that all of you seem so nice and supportive! I joined this website because I woke up one morning from a bad dream: my type one diabetes was killing me, probably because in reality, my blood glucose levels are WAY higher than the should be. Anyways, I needed new modivation to maintain my diabetes and keep up with all my doses off a syringe. I'm only sixteen and i'm already seeing the effects of not controlling my diabetes. I would love to just say: I can; I can just dose before I eat and check my glucose levels five times a day because that's what it will take to keep me healthy and alive. However I can't seem to tell myself this and just do it becuase, along with diabetes, I have depression and according to my therapist she says I see unrealistic goals (ex. I have to take care of my diabetes for the rest of my life and burden others), then I give up on them because they're seen as too hard. Then push comes to shove, I'm depressed even more that I can't control my diabetes, my parents are upset with me, and I know my future health is alreaady doomed. It's a vicious cycle and I recognize that I need help so I was hoping to hear comments if you have this same problem or not. I'd love to hear your thoughts, thanks for reading!

Views: 192

Comment by brokenpole on December 28, 2012 at 7:48am

Oh Angela, all of us on this site can feel your pain. Mainly because it's our pain too. Far to often depression seems to be just another "side effect" of being diabetic no matter what type you are. We all have days where all seems right in the diabetes world and then all of a sudden, without reason, it all comes tumbling down. I do find that blogging on here helps. Get on here and just post a rant or two. At least this is a place where you can let it all out and people will understand. Just hang in there with it and, in my humble opinion, keep setting those lofty goals. If we continually set the bar low then you will get low results. Also, pick on thing at a time and work on tackling that one little peice. Do that for a month and then tackle the next one. Pretty soon you will start seeing signs of the changes. Keep us posted.

Comment by Shawnmarie on December 28, 2012 at 8:21am

Hi Angela! It's great that you found this site. I think it helps to know there are lots of others who feel your pain. I was diagnosed as an adult, so I don't know what it must be like to be dealing with all this at 16. What I do know is that it helps me to just think about one meal at a time. It's great that you're seeing a therapist. Like you said, you've woken up and it sounds like you're ready to take the next steps. We're all here to support you! As Brokenpole said, sometimes posting a rant is just the thing to help you keep going.

Comment by Black Llama on December 28, 2012 at 8:28am

We've all been there, some days are better than others. Small steps are the key though. You are a beautiful person and should never have to worry that you will "be a burden on others" for the rest of your life. Thinking ahead about controlling your diabetes isn't an unrealistic goal, but some days you just have to think about the small picture. Don't worry about 4 years from now, worry about 4 hours from now :D There are also many ways to use technology to help you better control things. Have you thought about pumping? Or using a CGM?

Also not to advocate meds, but I can get pretty depressed about things as well, I take something when it starts getting to be too much (and a lot of others do as well). Don't admit defeat love, just admit that you're having a hard time and need some help :D This is once place you'll certainly find tons of it!

Comment by Mike Ratrie on December 28, 2012 at 11:37am

Angela,

You should be proud of yourself for a whole variety of reasons that I don't even know about yet, but let's start with what I do know.

First, you had the courage to seek out answers and you found a great place for support @ TuDiabetes.

Next, you had even more courage to write a blog post titled, "Out of Control" - where you honestly expressed your worries - wow! I could never do that!

Additionally, you pointed out the steps you ARE taking to manage this disease. Insulin, testing, counseling with a therapist and parents who love you. Remember, that they are upset because they care about you. Indeed,they may be struggling with their own demons because they feel responsible for your T1D.

Keep working with your therapist to set reasonable goals. Start small and the big things will fall into place. Remember that you are on a long, long journey. It has been said that "the journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step."

Comment by renka on December 28, 2012 at 11:37pm
Angela, I was diagnosed when I was 17. I hated diabetes at that age. I still hate it actually! I'm type 1 too. I'm 44 now and I'm very independent. Don't forget that diabetes is not the doomed and dreaded condition that it used to be. We can lead even healthier lives than non diabetics with all of the technology that is available to us today and a little education on nutrition. I have had diabetes for 29 years and I just went on the pump a year ago. I'm not saying that is the way for you to go, but it's out there for you to explore if you want to. When i was first diagnosed, electronic meters were just introduced. Before that people could only test their urine for sugar. They had to guess. They never knew exactly how much sugar they had. So you are lucky to have all this technology!

With all that said, I am familiar with the depression part too. The overwhelming feeling of having to do this for the rest of your life sure does feel like a long time!,but you can do it! You sound like a smart girl and a brave one. I want to give up all the time and "fall off the wagon" a lot too, so that is why I found it so important to find an excellent medical team. My endo, a diabetes nurse and a therapist. There are a lot of,great,people,on here for support too, I'm glad you found this page! Keep up the good work and keep the faith, and remember, one day at a time. Also, if you screw up one day you always get a do over! Good luck !

Withmall
Comment by acidrock23 on December 29, 2012 at 8:08am

It's great that you've found us as people here have a lot of experience. In many ways, I think that people may get better answers here since there's more diversity. If I come along and say "the answer is to eat fried chicken", someone will likely come right along and tell me that I am nuts. Which may be the case anyway?

My "answer" is to try to win every test, not necessarily to get a number you want every time but to consider the number and why it's where it is. If it's where you want it, think in your head how it got there so you can do it again. If it's *not* where you want it, think about it and figure out why it's off and how to fix it, more insulin, less food or whatever. I am a *total* slacker about writing anything down but I think that will allow you to have a better result faster so there may be some use in doing that. Maybe someone will come along and tell me I'm nuts but one test at a time and eating to our meters is sort of what we have.

Comment by Angela on December 29, 2012 at 10:53am

Thank you everyone for your positive feedback! It has done nothing but help me to know that you have taken the time out of your days' to help out someone you don't know. It seems that In my past i've tried everthing to modivate myself to keep up with my doses but setting high goals and completing one little one at a time sounds like it is going to be very effective. I would really like to express to everyone how appreciative I am for all of your comments because I feel that I have support behind me to take every little step i'm going to persue; even if my steps don't always lead me forward. I'll keep in mind everyones advice and i'll keep you posted. Thanks!! :)

Comment by renka on December 30, 2012 at 12:43pm
Angela, I'm excited to see how you do, please keep us posted and just remember baby steps and if you fail don't be to hard on yourself. You can always start over! Best of luck! I'm g to try real hard to be better too!
Comment by NatalieHodge on December 30, 2012 at 7:59pm
Angela you are very brave! My daughter is 12 and I help her a lot with her diabetes, stick with the tu diabetes community ask lots of questions and you will improve your control!! Sounds like you may need an antidepressant also...
Comment by Padraig on January 4, 2013 at 1:46pm

Hey Angela ! I just came across youre post there, and I know exactly how you feel. Believe me I'm pretty sure that just about every type 1 diabetic has hated their situation at some stage or another and felt depressed. It can be so frustrating at times. I think its great that youre expectations are so high though ! its good to have dreams and goals. I hope you are improving with controlling youre bloods ! I'm just in my first year of college and I've had type 1 for just under a year now and college life is just another world ! Be sure to ask people any questions you have on this site, myself included :) - there is some much great advice and people willing to help ! Make the most of it :)

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