Not that it ever was! But this is just beyond a joke.
Please excuse this rant. I just need to write it down somewhere.
My levels in the past 2 weeks are much worse than ever before. Getting numbers close to 200 after lunches (and this is even with some insulin on board), and sometimes after dinner (if I eat without drinking alcohol as well). Of course some of this is my own fault for eating carbohydrates when I obviously I just shouldn't, but eating the wrong foods aside, the issue is I have eaten similar amounts of carbs in the past without the same soar in blood sugar.
Let me point fingers and blame my work. Work has been superstressful and busy. I've had heaps of meetings and irregular eating hours and they always provide carbs (only) as snacks at the meetings. So hungry and stressed me and carbs = me eating everything in sight (lots of carbs) = blood sugars higher than ever.
My body is also struggling and think I'm having another early m/c (got a positive HPT last week, but now P is obviously in process of arriving). Maybe all will settle down again when my body settles down again. Maybe these high levels are just a stress response.
I am considering whether I should just stop the insulin (I am taking this of my own accord, my endo only thinks I should take insulin when I am pregnant). Thing is when I take insulin (assuming I was on a dose and adjustment schedule that would allow me to adjust for carbs - which I'm not) I could theoretically eat whatever I wanted, within reason. But if I don't take it at all, then I know I can't eat carbs and maybe that will be enough motivation to avoid the carbs.
Bad thing about this site is before I came here I never knew that people get blood sugars in the 200s and 300s. I was already horrified at levels in the low 100s. But now, I am not so internally concerned about numbers in the mid to high 100s (and even up to 200). They just don't scare me like they did before. But they should.
I'm on 70/30. I tried increasing insulin dose in the morning. It covers the breakfast well, but then I'm low before lunch, and lunch isn't covered (unless it's a no carb lunch).
Don't know what I'm going to tell my endo when I see him next week (I have had to change the appointment 3x now as I keep having work meetings come up). Maybe I won't say anything and just see if he says anything when he sees my numbers.... if he asks to see them.
Am so upset with myself actually. I am feeling weak and like a failure to be here in this situation now. Particularly with my current poor eating habits.
I am also wondering if this is really a stress response or if I am somehow past some sort of honeymoon. But I am theoretically type 2 / GD. Should not have honeymoon phase.
I am obviously still in deep dark denial about this and not yet taking full and consistent responsibility.