I figured with leaving you all out of the loop the past couple of days you might be worried. Sorry, I just felt like keeping quiet and to myself. I've been incredibly stressed about all of this. In the past few days I have learned that my body really doesnt do well with carbohydrates. Redundant statement much? But really. My endo told me last time that I am allowed one carb point per meal, which equals out to 40g of carbs. SIKE! My body allows me 12 or less carbs. With 12 carbs each meal I can take 30 units of apidra and be good. (I hope that when I get my levels under control better this will change)

But I visited my endo today. Which I was actually excited for. I wanted him to explain some things to me and relieve some of this stress. He said that I am having something called glucose intolarance, or resistance...I dont remember the exact word. But basically my GLs are so high that it's not responding properly to insulin, and therefore I am needing more. But once I really figure all of this out it will get better and I should require less insulin. But he wants me to keep with the Apidra, taking as much as I need, but not to jump around. If I take 30 units one meal and it's not enough...increase a little next meal.
I also need to increase my Lantus by 2 units every 2 nights until I get normal fasting levels in the AM.
And I think the most important thing he told me was that it is NOT an immediate thing. Tomorrow I should NOT have normal GLs. It's going to take time. I noticed today when I got my levels normal I was eating close to nothing, and I was starving...but I had normal levels. And when I got a 121 (!!!!) I got extremely shaky, panicky, upset, and just all around...weird feeling. I felt like I was having a really low GL. I wanted to eat everything in the kitchen. The doctor told me that I had lowered my level waaay too fast and that's why I felt like that.
So I feel alot better knowing that it's going to take time. I was under the impression (by every other stupid doctor who has no idea what they are talking about), that I had to get normal levels immediately.
Before I left me mentioned me getting an insulin pump. I'm very on the fence with this. I feel like it would be easier...and my levels will be better controlled....but then on the other hand...I wont ever learn how to use my pens and control this myself. And what's the next step after the pump? Being in the hospital with an insulin drip?! I don't know. Any advice or suggestions? For now I am going to stick with the Apidra pens and try to really work on that. I dont want to not learn because then I feel like I'm giving up, or I'm too lazy to learn. I have to learn. My life depends on it. I HAVE to learn.
And I have to see an eye doctor, and a dietician, and get a prescription for a glucose pen. $$$$$ *sigh*

I also started going to NA meetings with my cousin-in-law. I'm not a recovering addict from drugs (she is, I was just there for support), but if you think about it....sugar is my drug. I crave sugar. I think about it constantly and dont stop til I get it. It rules my life. I have an addiction. And surprisingly the NA meeting was helpful. I think I'll continue to go with my C-I-L. I'll look into support groups for diabetics in the mean time. :) I think I could use that.

Views: 257

Tags: apidra, endocronologist, pump, support

Comment by Marie B on October 30, 2009 at 7:59am
Thanks for the update, Jessica. If your bgs have been running high most of the time, a "normal" one like 121 is going to feel like a hypo. When you get things a little more under control, you won't feel like this anymore. Take a look at these tips - here - from a contest we had earlier this year called "Simple Steps to Health" - I found them to be very helpful.
Comment by Kelly Rawlings on October 30, 2009 at 8:37am
Congratulations for having the determination to figure out how to use insulin to manage your blood sugars Note I didn't say "perfect" your blood sugars--they are fluid, affected by many things--including food, exercise, meds, stress.

Establish with your doc what your target range should be before meals, after meals. Get the A1C test regularly (which will tell you a rough average of bg levels over 2-3 months). Have those other very important health check-ups for eyes and see the dietitian. (PS: 12 grams carb per meal is very, very low. It also means you may not be getting enough fiber, which can help bg and insulin resistance, and too much fat, which worsens insulin resistance. In fact, that level of carbs is so low it may be adding to your sugar cravings.) See what the dietitian recommends in terms of overall calories and then decide on a meal plan you can live with every day. A meal plan may impose some restrictions, but it shouldn't be a punishment!

Although pumps are amazing because the amount of insulin can be finetuned (I need much more in the a.m. than I do in the p.m), they aren't automatic. In fact, the people who get the most benefit out of them have spent a lot of time perfecting their knowledge of food, their own body's reaction to eating, exercise, insulin, etc.

I think you are very smart to realize that it takes time to get diabetes management under (relative) control. Best wishes!
Comment by Robyn on October 30, 2009 at 11:14am
Wishing you well. :)
Comment by MelissaBL on October 31, 2009 at 12:53pm
A pump may or may not offer you better control (I've pumped for 10 years now and am doing better than on shots), but it is NOT a step toward being in the hospital on a drip. It's just a different way to fine tune and manage your long-acting/basal insulin.

Has your doctor had you do any fasting to determine if you're level on your Lantus without the food factor? It could be that the long-acting isn't doing the job it needs to and a pump would be the answer. If you're level on the Lantus and in range up until you eat, then the intolerance and your sensitivity to carbs is the entire issue at hand and I don't know that pumping would do that much differently for you. In either case, ugh. We feel for you, Jessica.

Oh, another question, why does the doc want you on Apidra so badly? And how are you timing it with your meals? I take it 15-20 minutes before I eat to help me stay under 140 after meals (well, more like 170). If I take it on top of a meal or after, I rise up to 200 or higher.

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