I figured with leaving you all out of the loop the past couple of days you might be worried. Sorry, I just felt like keeping quiet and to myself. I've been incredibly stressed about all of this. In the past few days I have learned that my body really doesnt do well with carbohydrates. Redundant statement much? But really. My endo told me last time that I am allowed one carb point per meal, which equals out to 40g of carbs. SIKE! My body allows me 12 or less carbs. With 12 carbs each meal I can take 30 units of apidra and be good. (I hope that when I get my levels under control better this will change)
But I visited my endo today. Which I was actually excited for. I wanted him to explain some things to me and relieve some of this stress. He said that I am having something called glucose intolarance, or resistance...I dont remember the exact word. But basically my GLs are so high that it's not responding properly to insulin, and therefore I am needing more. But once I really figure all of this out it will get better and I should require less insulin. But he wants me to keep with the Apidra, taking as much as I need, but not to jump around. If I take 30 units one meal and it's not enough...increase a little next meal.
I also need to increase my Lantus by 2 units every 2 nights until I get normal fasting levels in the AM.
And I think the most important thing he told me was that it is NOT an immediate thing. Tomorrow I should NOT have normal GLs. It's going to take time. I noticed today when I got my levels normal I was eating close to nothing, and I was starving...but I had normal levels. And when I got a 121 (!!!!) I got extremely shaky, panicky, upset, and just all around...weird feeling. I felt like I was having a really low GL. I wanted to eat everything in the kitchen. The doctor told me that I had lowered my level waaay too fast and that's why I felt like that.
So I feel alot better knowing that it's going to take time. I was under the impression (by every other stupid doctor who has no idea what they are talking about), that I had to get normal levels immediately.
Before I left me mentioned me getting an insulin pump. I'm very on the fence with this. I feel like it would be easier...and my levels will be better controlled....but then on the other hand...I wont ever learn how to use my pens and control this myself. And what's the next step after the pump? Being in the hospital with an insulin drip?! I don't know. Any advice or suggestions? For now I am going to stick with the Apidra pens and try to really work on that. I dont want to not learn because then I feel like I'm giving up, or I'm too lazy to learn. I have to learn. My life depends on it. I HAVE to learn.
And I have to see an eye doctor, and a dietician, and get a prescription for a glucose pen. $$$$$ *sigh*
I also started going to NA meetings with my cousin-in-law. I'm not a recovering addict from drugs (she is, I was just there for support), but if you think about it....sugar is my drug. I crave sugar. I think about it constantly and dont stop til I get it. It rules my life. I have an addiction. And surprisingly the NA meeting was helpful. I think I'll continue to go with my C-I-L. I'll look into support groups for diabetics in the mean time. :) I think I could use that.