When I was younger diabetes made me feel special yet fragile, unique yet ordinary this was due to the people around me, meeting other diabetics on our days out that the hospital had organised and other times having to take a day off school because I was not well or not being able to do something because my sugar levels where low, having to go outside of the class to have my snack so I don’t go hypo or letting the team down because of having a hypo during sports.
Now as a young adult I feel nothing but a struggle or worry, at times I feel a relieve that everything is going well and most of all unaccompanied facing everything that life throws at me as well as facing what my diabetes aims my way.
It’s like playing a cat and mouse game having to stay ahead of it not letting it get to high or too low because the problems that come along with it are far worse if not now maybe later on in life. Keeping ahead of the changes so that you have a back up programme in case something goes wrong just like in a battle field you’re not going to run in front of the other team without any weapons that’s just like waiting to be struck out before you`ve even got anywhere.
Maybe it’s time that the game was reversed possibly the other side has the winning score, likely it’s about time I waved the white flag since someone/something on the inside is already undertaking damage could it be the nerves, perhaps the kidney or even the heart but my worst fear even more scary then the heart my eye sight!
As they say everyone only wants to see the best they all see me smile, laugh as well as take my insulin without any complaints. They think to themselves she still walking, talking, breathing there isn’t any problems but all I ask myself is will it always be like this?
You complain about waking up from that beautiful dream, who do I complain to waking up by having a hypo at 3am and having to wake up and eat as well as not knowing the ending to my beautiful dream, you protest about having to go to work at 9am should I complain about having to inject to live my life, you grumble about not getting your favourite piece of cake do you see me grumbling about me having to prick my fingers day in and day out. Everyone finds fault about something or other where can a diabetic find fault when they have to go through a lot more in a day then a life time.
I just ask myself will it always be like this and then I remember the good day when all my numbers where in target,,thats when I was saying can`t it always be like this.