I recently was laid up in bed for 2 whole months (yes, that's 8 weeks, literally) with what I thought was severe sciatica. It turned out to be some pretty bad hip problems from years of sitting, standing and laying postural-ly incorrect. Now, for years, I've heard all the stuff about good posture, standing straight, etc, etc. Just never practiced it. In fact, I didn't practice much of anything that would lead to good health. I smoked for about 15 years, up to 1.5 packs a day. I really never controlled my diet. The one thing I didn't do was drink to excess. No, my real vice was gluttony. I used every excuse in the book to rationalize it. I dieted to get away from it. But, laying in bed for those 8 weeks made me realize that I had spiraled my way to over 400 pounds and it had landed me in bed, unable to care for myself and dependent on others for absolutely everything I needed. Very embarrassing. Very humiliating. Very humbling. I didn't think, in that first week, that I'd be so bad for so long. By the 8th week, I was going stir crazy.
But it was a blessing in disguise.
My eyes were opened to just what I'd been doing to myself in my 61 years on this earth. And to the fact that I could change it if I wanted to. I had lived in some sort of strange nether-world where one part of my brain heard about calories in/calories out, eat less to weigh less, etc. But some other part of my brain refused to believe I was causing the problem - and that I could actually cause the solution.
Somehow, laying in that bed for those 8 weeks got the 2 parts of my brain together. I finally realized that I could, really, really COULD do this. I could lose the weight and keep it off. I could control my diet, help my blood sugar, reduce the effects of my COPD and asthma and actually get better and HAVE A LIFE!!
What a revelation that was. I don't know why it took so many years to get this thru to my head, but that doesn't matter. What matters is this: I am out of bed and walking. Every day I do something I wasn't able to do the day before. I now dress myself, take care of my own personal hygiene, make some of my own meals, more and more every day. I am so grateful and appreciative to be able to do these things - and I can't wait to find out what more I can do.
I've been to see a diabetic educator and have cut out those foods that won't help me get better. I can't exercise too much just yet, but I have been walking up and down the little hall in my apt and my stamina is getting stronger. I'll be starting aqua therapy in the next few weeks.
Many, many times I've made New Year's resolutions to be a better me. But this is different. This isn't a resolution, or a new diet, or another try. This is really a new beginning. Something happened while laying in that bed that changed my very core. Food is not my friend, any more. Food is fuel to power my body so I can get healthier and do more things. I want to move, I want to get active in life again. I want to play with my grandchildren and watch them grow.
And now I know I can.
My blood glucose is in better control than it ever has been since I was diagnosed with Type II 6 years ago. Nice, tight control. My COPD is slowly getting better as I build my stamina back up from having been completely inactive for 8 weeks. My other health issues will get better or resolve as the weight comes off.
I know there will be tough times, but I can do it. I know I'll get depressed, but I can do it. I know there will be setbacks, but I can do it. I know I can do it, because it's the only way I can be independent and self-sufficient. And more than anything, I really want that.