I'm embarrassed. It might be that I am too preoccupied with other things, or that maybe I'm in denial (which doesn't seem possible after 12 years), but I don't take care of myself-- at all.
I think my mother and I still live 10 years ago, as far as what we recall to be new technology coming out regarding diabetes.
For the past few years I've been letting my health slip further and further out of control. I've gotten to the point that I don't check my bloodsugar for days on end. I wing my insulin intake. If I feel high, I'll shoot up some guesstimated amount.. and if I feel low, I eat. Needless to say, High is more often the case.
I take my 38 units of lantus anywhere between 8-11pm every night.
and, keep this quiet, instead of keeping records for my doctor I make them all up. Yes. I finally admit it. I'm a dirty liar. And I know very well how to work the system.
I'm just lazy. That has to be it. It's not difficult to make it habitual to keep things in order. I know this because once upon a time I had good control.
My trouble: I can't bring myself to create the good habit again.
My A1c has fluctuated over the past 5 years between 7.4 (That was a pleasant surprise) and 11.
For the past year or so my highest has probably been 10.2 and I tend to average at a solid 9.
I don't talk to anyone with diabetes or has been "touched" by diabetes, except my endocrinologist. But I'd like to?
Despite the fact that I made this account last year, I haven't done a thing with it.
and I'm looking for some help snapping back into reality because I really need to get it together. For a number of reasons. One being that I'm going off to school this fall. The main reason is that I'm tired of feeling horrible all the time.
So. If anyone has some kind of comment letting me know that I'm not the only one who sucks at taking care of himself/herself, or any ideas of how I can get back into the swing of more control. I'd really appreciate it.
Even if I have to start at the bottom up.
Baby-steps are good. Because I don't think I can get any worse than this.
Thank you (I hope I wasted no one's time).